


Be More Chill

by AmazingTomHollandisnotonfire



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on the musical Be More Chill, Betrayal, F/M, Happy Ending, I don't know if listening to be more chill is necessary to read this, I've never written anything but seblos so bare with me, M/M, brooke!gina, but it will only help, carlos doesn't have a bmc character but he will be a part of the story I promise, character spoilers ahead, chloe!ashlyn, christine!nini, combining my favorite show and musical? it's more likely than you think, jake!e.j, jenna!kourtney, jeremy!ricky, michael!big red, minor changes are made to fit the hsmtmts vibe, mr heere!mike, mr reyes!miss jenn, rich!seb, ricky/ashlyn is only for a second I promise, rini and seblos are no longer the only endgame ships, rini and seblos are the only endgame ships, squip!benjamin mazzara, this has details from both the two river and broadway albums, this was originally primarily seblos but I think rini fit better, two endings yay, you should listen to it anyway because it is amazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22793641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmazingTomHollandisnotonfire/pseuds/AmazingTomHollandisnotonfire
Summary: Loser Ricky Bowen wants his junior year to be different. He wishes for more friends, an end to the bullying, and for the girl of his dreams to know he exists. Ricky decides to follow the advice of his tormentor and buy a super pill from Japan that will make him popular.What could possibly go right?
Relationships: Big Red/Ricky Bowen (HSM: The Series), Ricky Bowen/Ashlyn Caswell, Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Seb Matthew-Smith/Carlos Rodriguez
Comments: 28
Kudos: 51





	1. More Than Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A typical day in the life of Ricky Bowen leaves him wanting more, so he decides to do something dramatic

Ricky Bowen woke up on Monday morning wishing more than anything he could go back to sleep. It was his junior year at East High and he had only been back for a week. To most people a new year meant new beginnings but to Ricky, it meant his life would pick up where it left off in May: being bullying and invisible. Ricky rolled his eyes and sighed as he got out of bed sporting nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. Looking across the room to the laptop sitting on his desk, Ricky allowed himself to faintly smile. There was always something that made him feel better about his worthless existence.

Porn.

Ricky opened the laptop and went to a bookmarked website. As he waited for the video to load, he threw on a t-shirt and got the tissues and lotion ready. This was the only time of morning he felt completely content. He was alone and actually comfortable for once. But as the minutes passed and the video still wouldn't load, Ricky started banging on the keys hoping that would speed up the process. He was disappointed to discover that no, hitting his computer did not help the process and the bar would not fill. His banging got more violent and his pleas got louder and more desperate.

_C-c-c'mon c-c-c-c'mon go, go_

Ricky put his head in his hands and groaned. He pulled at the ends of his hair and begged anyone who was listening that the video would load so that he at least enjoy himself for a few minutes. But, Ricky looked at the time and was very irritated to see that the window of opportunity had passed: he needed to get ready for school. He wiped the lotion off his hands with the tissues and threw on a pair of jeans and his high-top vans. It was the same thing he wore every single day but he was only ever trying to impress one person and they didn't know he existed so what was the point?

Ricky walked into the bathroom for his usual hair routine that took no longer than five minutes. He did not know why he took the him to style his hair, but since his clothes made him look like a nerd he likes to think his styled hair made him look at least a little cool. Of course, in the life of Ricky Bowen, five minutes was too long for his family to wait. His dad walked into the bathroom without knocking and without pants, a new normal in the Bowen household.

"Dad, haven't you heard of pants?" Ricky groaned, covering his eyes in utter embarrassment.

"We're all men in this house, pretend we're in the army." Ricky rolled his eyes.

"Just, when I get home, please have clothes on, okay?" Ricky practically begged his dad.

"Ten-hut!"

Ricky huffed and left the bathroom, hair routine forgotten. His dad didn't notice his frustration, but then again his dad did not notice a lot of things recently. His mom left him and his dad a couple of months ago and clearly, his dad was still not handling it well. He worked from home and never wore pants around the house. It was depressing and humiliating for Ricky, but he tried to ignore it as much as possible. It was just another disappointing constant in the life of Ricky Bowen. He grabbed his new backpacked and walked outside but stopped as he contemplated his next move.

_Should I take the bus or walk instead?_

If he took the bus, he would be the loser upperclassman who still took the bus. If he walked, he would sweat and probably smell throughout the whole day which also wouldn't help his fragile status. He weighed each option thoroughly and after what felt like an eternity, he decided to take the bus.

Ricky was, of course, the only junior on the bus and the underclassman made sure to make him feel bad about it. They teased him about not having a car or friends but Ricky just ignored them and listened to music instead. As Ricky sat alone in his seat, he couldn't help but want more. Not a lot, he wasn't asking to be some big shot like Robert Dinero. For him, being a Joe Pesci would be totally fine. But he knew he wouldn't even get to that level. He went through life keeping to himself and following his rules on how to stay alive. He wasn't special and he would never be special.

When the bus arrived at East High he walked into the school and avoided everyone in his path: boys and girls of all grade levels and social statuses. He saw his locker up ahead but internally groaned as he saw people talking in front of it. Ashlyn Caswell, Gina Porter, and Kourtney Renee: the three most popular girls in school. Ashlyn was _the_ most popular girl in school and the biggest flirt of East High. Gina was Ashlyn's best friend. She was kinder but a bit of a pushover with Ashlyn so she always existed in the shadows. If she wasn't popular Ricky would almost relate to her. Kourtney was the school's gossip and makeup guru which were the only reasons why Ashlyn and Gina accepted her. He stood next to the group as they gossiped about Ashlyn's cousin E.J Caswell and his rendezvous with a girl named Emily. Ashlyn hated E.J with a passion so when Gina tried to compliment the playboy, Ashlyn immediately shot her down. Kourtney tried to interject information she knew but Ashlyn told her to shut up, once again taking full control of the story. Ricky accidentally coughed and tried to cover it up but it was too late. The mistake had already been made and all three girls turned around, Ashlyn immediately asking what he was staring at.

"I'm just trying to get to my locker-" Ricky stuttered out but he was cut off by Ashlyn very quickly.

"That guy is so weird," Ashlyn said, looking Ricky up and down but speaking as if he wasn't even there.

"I've literally never noticed him" Gina replied to Ashlyn, once again discussing Ricky like he wasn't standing a foot away from the group. The girls walked away which allowed Ricky to move forward towards his locker. This would be the next mistake Ricky made that day because when he moved forward, he bumped into someone. Rather, the one someone he would never want to bump into. 

"Yo, don't touch me tall ass!" Ricky flinched but didn't move, knowing this routine well enough to know not to ever run away.

Seb Matthew-Smith: a sophomore transfer student who in his first week made it his mission to make Ricky's life miserable, even though he was a year younger. Ricky had never spoken to him before, but on the first day of school, Seb approached him and made fun of his clothing. From that moment forward Seb took every opportunity to humiliate Ricky in very public ways.

"Sorry I was just trying to get to my locker!" Ricky was able to finish his thought that time but as he was Seb walked around behind Ricky with a sharpie. He scribbled something on Ricky's backpack and as Seb walked away, he threatened Ricky to not wash whatever it was off. Seb went to his own locker and high-fived E.J, his best friend and the most popular boy in school. Seb pointed back to where Ricky was standing and the two laughed, leading Ricky to believe Seb told E.J about the childish prank. Ricky just sighed and walked away, leaving his locker unopened. His teacher would have to deal with the fact that he didn't have his textbook.

Ricky walked towards his homeroom with his eyes trying to find something to focus on other than the students in the hallway. He eventually settled on an approaching poster because anything was better than eye contact for him. As he got closer to the poster he was able to see that it was a signup sheet for the fall musical _Beauty and the Beast._ Ricky had always wanted to audition for a school play, but the guys who did the musicals were always accused of being gay and Ricky didn't need to move himself further down on the social ladder. Ricky moved a bit to the left to avoid an incoming freshman and that's when he saw her.

Nini Salazar-Roberts.

Nini has been Ricky's crush since elementary school and the crush only grew with the passing years. She was one of the only people that were nice to him which of course made him like her, but from the moment she played a song about clouds at the school's talent show he was completely infatuated with her. She was in all the school plays as minor roles and Ricky had gone to see every single one. She was talented and beautiful and Ricky adored everything about her. But, Nini didn't remember elementary school so she had no idea he existed. That was what Ricky hated the most about himself: he was completely and utterly invisible. Ricky just stared at her from across the hallway and internally repeating her name over and over until he was interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Ricky blinked and suddenly Nini was right in front of him. Ricky let out the most embarrassing noise he could muster at the sight of her. "I think someone wrote 'boyf' on your backpack". She said with a questioning tone, but not mockingly. But Ricky didn't recognize any of that. He ripped off his backpack and looked at it. Just as Nini said, 'Boyf' was written across the bottom section of his backpack, curtesy of Seb he would assume. Ricky let out a series of 'eh' 'uh' and 'ugh' and ran away, not looking back as he left his crush in the middle of the hallway.

He continued walking to homeroom and berated himself on the "smooth" interaction he just had with Nini. Why couldn't he just talk to her? Or at least form _words_ around her? But he knew he couldn't focus on that. He had to keep focusing on the hallway and not bumping into any more people that hated his guts. He just had to accept that he would be alone for the rest of his life: just him and his videogames for all of eternity.

"Ricky!" Ricky stopped walking and smiled at the sound of his best friend's voice. He turned around to see Big Red approaching him with his signature gaming headphones on his head and a Nintendo Switch in his hand.

"Red!" Ricky laughed as Big Red went through the events of his morning and the luck he had at the local 7-Eleven. Big Red beaming at him and being overexcited about the nerdiest things always put Ricky in the best mood, despite his earlier difficulties. Big Red finally asked about him and his weekend, and Ricky was hesitant to answer but knew Big Red would never judge anything he said.

"I wrote Nini a song telling her how I feel." Ricky said embarrassed, looking down at the floor like he'd been doing all day.

"That's progress dude!" Big Red hit his shoulder encouragingly and gave Ricky a smile.

"Yeah, I tore it up and flushed it."

"Ugh" Big Red groaned, wishing more than anything that Ricky would just talk to Nini. He wanted his best friend to be happy, even if it meant being replaced as Ricky's favorite person.

"It's still progress..." Ricky joked but eventually stopped talking as his playful smile vanished, remembering the events from earlier. Big Red immediately noticed. 

"Dude, what's wrong?" 'Where to start?' Ricky thought to himself but decided to start with Seb, the thing that caused the embarrassing-himself-in-front-of-Nini mess. Ricky ripped off his backpack again so it was visible to his best friend.

"Boyf? What does that even mean?" Ricky watched as Big Red pulled off his own backpack and turned it around, displaying the 'Riends' that was written on the top section of the bag. Big Red burst out into laughter as he moved the backpacks together and they spelled out 'Boyfriends'. Exactly why Ricky couldn't sign up for the school play. Apparently Seb already thought he and Big Red were gay, no need to add to the evidence. Ricky just groaned. "I hate this school" he muttered, putting his backpack back on.

"It's all good dude because I saw on discovery that humanity has stopped evolving!" Ricky raised an eyebrow.

"That's…good?"

"Evolution's survival of the fittest right? But you don't have to be strong to survive anymore because of technology and videogames and stuff. Which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser! You got to own it, dude! Why try to be cool when you can be-"

"Signing up for the play?" Ricky suggested, eyes moving back towards the signup poster where Nini was now standing.

"I was gonna say watching YouTube in my basement-"

"No dude look who's signing up for the play!" He physically turned Big Red around so he was now facing the poster.

"Nini" Ricky breathed out, eyes not once leaving Nini.

"Nini" Big Red repeated, him also looking at Nini from across the hall. Both boys watched as Nini signed her name on the signup sheet dramatically.

Ricky found himself walking towards the signup sheet hesitantly. When he registered what he was doing and tried to stop, he felt Big Red push him forward. . He almost lost his balance but he steadied himself and kept moving, laughing a bit at his best friend's unwavering support. Ricky signed his name when he got to the poster, making one of the most confident decisions he'd made all day. He was going to do it: Ricky was going to do the school musical. If Nini could do it, Ricky could too. Right?

Wrong.

"Gay!" Ricky heard Seb shout from behind him. He turned around and froze. Seb was pointing at him and the entire school laughed. He slowly lowered the sharpie and looked down at the floor, not meeting anyone's eye. The drama teacher Miss Jenn approached the scene and shooed everyone away, but Ricky didn't miss the snide comments aimed at him, including the taunting from Ashlyn as she said she 'likes gay people'.

He entered the drama room homeroom and looked around for a place to sit. Nini sat in the front because she likes being near the drama teacher and Seb sat in the back with the popular students, leaving Ricky to take a seat in the middle with Big Red next to him. Nini turned around and waved at the person directly behind him who Ricky believes is named Carlos, not even acknowledging Ricky as a person. Seb shot a spitball at the back of his head and high-fived E.J again, causing Brooke and Kourtney to laugh. Ashlyn shushed them both but not for Ricky's sake. Ricky couldn't help the thoughts that swam through his head as he waited for the first-period bell. He was never going to be cool. He was never going to be the hero of the story or the character people cared about. He was destined to go through life merely existing, not living. But he wanted someone to help him thrive. Ricky always tried his best to stay alive, but this year he wanted _more._ He wanted to do more than just survive.

He only wished there was someone who could teach him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first time I've written a multi-chapter fic and rini so this is very new for me. I'm on winter break right now so I hope to update this pretty regularly but when I go back to school the updates might be slower. I'm thinking each chapter will be a song but there might be some that aren't based on a song to accompany for Seblos and the other characters.  
> Hope you all enjoy xx


	2. I Love Play Rehearsal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky attends his first play rehearsal with Nini...and others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be the first one to say that chapter one was a trainwreck but I think I'm starting to get a hold on this so don't give up on me yet.

At the end of the day, Ricky and Big Red were standing outside of the bomb shelter. Ricky was shaking much to Big Red's amusement but also to his concern. He really wasn't sure why Ricky was doing this to impress Nini instead of just telling her how he feels but as the best friend, he needed to support Ricky and his insane ideas. They were staring at the closed door, neither making any move to open it.

"You know you don't have to do this. I thought you hated musicals?" Ricky scoffed.

"I don't hate musicals. I just think it's weird when people burst into song in the middle of the street."

"Dude, that's a musical."

"Look, she has to see me in a whole new light. The only interaction we've had is the whole 'Boyf' fiasco when I ditched her in the hallway. Nini likes musicals. If I do the musical then maybe Nini will like _me._ Or at least realize that I'm a person that exists. You get me?"

"…no?" Ricky threw his head back in frustration. Big Red was insufferable sometimes, but deep down he loved him anyway.

"Whatever dude, I'm going in. I'll catch you at yours later." Big Red smiled and shot him two thumbs up and Ricky laughed, opening the door to the bomb shelter and going in. When he opened the door, the first thing he saw was Nini sitting in one of the chairs with her ukulele and he couldn't help the words that flew out of his mouth.

"Yo…Nini…" _Yo Nini? She’s never introduced herself to you but somehow you know her name? Could you be coming off any creepier?_

“Hey…you?” Nini laughed uncomfortably, but her smile was genuine.

“Ricky! I’m Ricky uh Bowen.”

“Nini, but I guess you already knew that.” Nini gave him a knowing look and Ricky knew his cheeks were a bright red.

“Um, this is where you meet for the musical right?” Nini smiled again and jokingly rolled her eyes.

“Ah no, this is where you meet for the water polo team.” Ricky’s eyes widened and he tried to take steps back towards the exit but Nini gave up the joke when she realized he was taking it seriously.

“I’m kidding. Are you okay?” Nini asked, concerned at the boy's continued shaking.

“hmm?”

“It’s just you seem nervous?”

“Oh no, this is totally normal I always…sweat this much.” Ricky internally facepalmed but at this point he’s surprised didn’t do it externally. 

“I’ve never seen you here before. Oh my god is this your first play rehearsal?” Nini asked excitingly, eyes practically glowing.

“First play-oh! Yeah, right, because you think I’m nervous about rehearsal.”

“Why else would you be shaking?” Ricky laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“yep totally freaked right now about…rehearsal.” Ricky knew he was not pulling this off. If he said rehearsal one more time he wouldn’t be surprised if Nini quit the musical right then and there.

“Well don’t worry, you’ll stop feeling nervous when we get into it. Coming here, it’s like the highlight of-“

“your day?”

“-my life!” Nini finished her thought, getting a bit embarrassed at Ricky’s interjection. She looked down at her ukulele, started strumming a random tune, and sang quietly.

_I love play rehearsal…_

Ricky watched as she went through a song she was making up on the spot, completely entranced by her talent and beauty. He tried to focus on the lyrics, hearing her sing about rehearsal being her chance to be someone else and completely start over as someone new. She went through all the reasons she loved theatre and Ricky swore he fell in love with her a little bit more with each verse. As she finished, her face became red and she apologized for her outburst but Ricky assured her that she had nothing to be sorry about. They sat in comfortable (for once) silence for a bit before Ricky spoke up.

“So, where is everyone else?”

“Oh, actually the drama department has been losing members lately so it looks like it’s just you and me-“ That's when the doors opened.

“woohoo yes!” _E.J?_

“Let’s do this!” _Kourtney?_

 _“_ Has a theater always been here?” _…Seb? Oh god._

Ricky turned around to see both popular groups walk into the bomb shelter, ruining his alone time with Nini. They were talking loudly but not really giving the theater or the two students already present any attention. The new drama teacher entered after them and Ricky didn’t miss her comment about being thankful that the popular kids were there.

“Everyone, please take a seat.” Everyone sat in the plastic chairs placed in a circle, the popular kids looking more uncomfortable than Ricky somehow. “My name is Miss Jenn. As many of you know we will be doing _Beauty and the Beas_ _t_ this year, even though I guess you did that a couple of years ago but I’m here now so let’s make a new mark on this classic, shall we?” Ricky noticed that the popular kids weren’t paying any attention to Miss Jenn and Nini was _only_ paying attention to Miss Jenn, none of the noise or distractions around her. Suddenly, someone cleared their voice behind Miss Jenn and the student Nini waved at that morning came into view. “Oh, and meet your student choreographer Carlos…” Miss Jenn went through her introduction of the sophomore assistant, but what caught Ricky’s attention was the way Seb seemed to perk up, look the choreographer up and down, flinch, and then go back to looking nonchalant almost instantly. _That was weird._ Ricky just brushed it off - Seb was weird and he had to accept that. “Okay. We will be taking a brief five so I can eat a protein bar, so talk amongst yourselves.”

Seb and the majority of the popular kids left the bomb shelter saying how easy theatre was going to be. Ricky sighed in relief _\- finally_. He went to talk to Nini again but unfortunately, someone beat him to it.

“Hey weren’t you in that play last year?” Both Ricky and Nini looked up to see E.J standing right next to them, smiling and putting one foot on the chair next to her. Nini looked at him confused but Ricky didn’t miss the faint blush coating her cheeks.

“you mean Brigadoon?”

“yeah yeah! You were the animal right?”

“you mean the cow?”

“Yeah. That was funny.” Nini smile faltered and Ricky knew her blush was more of an embarrassed one than a flattered one now. 

“Okay then. Thanks, I guess.” Nini looked back down at her ukulele and strummed it. Ricky just watched the scene play out in front of him, wanting nothing more than to deck E.J for what he was saying to Nini.

“But you were good. I thought you should have been playing the human.” Nini's blush went darker, probably back to flattered.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m E.J.” E.J. smiled at her and Ricky swore if it was a t.v show a sparkle would have appeared where his teeth were.

“Nini.” Nini finally looked up to meet E.J.’s gaze and Ricky felt the dread pooling in his stomach and she smiled widely at him.

“So some of us are going to the mall after practice today. You should come with.”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun.” Ricky was done for now. He sighed, ultimately putting the attention on him. E.J glared at him for a moment but noticing something it quickly turned to a smirk.

“Hey, dude I think someone wrote ‘Boyf’ on your backpack.” E.J walked out of the bomb shelter laughing but Nini didn’t seem to notice, too hypnotized by the spell E.J had her under. Ricky thought about what he could say next but nothing was coming to mind. He had to salvage this so without even thinking he spoke. 

“Hey so I heard this thing about how humans aren’t evolving-“

“oh sorry, Ricky, were you saying something.”

“uh no. nope forget it.” Nini looked at him hesitantly but left the bomb shelter anyway. Ricky sighed.

 _Well, I guess that could have gone worse. At least you didn’t have a breakdown, right? Ugh. I just wished she knew I was alive. Y_ _eah, like that will ever happen._ Ricky internally and externally groaned. Nini would never know he existed, he should just accept it.

Ricky picked up his vandalized backpack and made his way to the bathroom to wash it off, wanting nothing more than to forget today ever happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how this story is going to do - I really don't. But even if it flops I'm having fun writing it and I'm trying this new thing where I write for myself and try to have more confidence so I'm not going to take this down...even though I really wanted to last night and will probably want to again in the future.  
> If you are enjoying it though I'm very glad! more updates to come :)


	3. The Squip Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky encounters Seb in the bathroom and learns the secret to his popularity.

Ricky had been scrubbing his backpack under the bathroom sink for ten minutes. But to no avail, when he inspected the backpack again 'Boyf' was still visible. It seemed as though the cleaning did nothing to even lighten the writing. Grumbling at it didn't seem to be helping matters, similar to the porno mishap that morning. Now he would have to ask his father to buy him a new one and these days, asking his father to do anything was a challenge. As Ricky went to get more soap and realized he had emptied the dispenser, he finally had enough.

"C'mon come off!" He yelled at the bag as if it would answer, but went quiet when he heard the door to the bathroom open.

"Hey! Didn't I tell you not to wash that off?" Seb said from the entrance of the restroom, arms crossed over his chest and body leaning against the door frame. Ricky immediately turned the water off and opened the bag, pretending to be looking for something.

"Where is my homework-" Ricky mumbled but Seb did not buy his lie.

"Don't ignore me tall-ass."

"Why do you keep calling me that? I'm not that tall dude. Actually, I'm pretty sure we're the same height."

"Well, you could be tall if you weren't hunched over and scared all the time." Ricky rolled his eyes and muttered 'whatever' under his breath. He pushed passed Seb and tried to enter a stall but Seb spoke up again when he got inside. "The only thing more pathetic is the way you're sneaking into a stall to get away from me. Stalls are for…" Seb paused and Ricky actually thought he was going to leave him alone before he cleared his voice and kept going. "Stalls are for…girls. You a girl Ricky?" Ricky could hear the hesitance in Seb's voice but he tried to ignore it. Instead, he just huffed and left the stall, only to find Seb usually the urinal. "There you go," Seb said mockingly.

"Dude how could you possibly be talking to me right now while…doing that?"

"Confidence?" Ricky didn't miss the way it came out as a question but before he could ask about it, Seb was grabbing his neck and seizing. Ricky was in shock as he watched Seb lose control of his body - his groans of discomfort the only thing stopping the awkward silence that had existed only moments before. When it finally stopped Seb looked at him casually but Ricky was too freaked out to find out why.

"You know what I don't have to use the bathroom after all-" Ricky tried to walk to the exit but Seb quickly stopped him.

"Wait!" Seb said while pulling up his pants. He walked up to Ricky and got right in his face which left almost no room in between them. Seb's piercing blue eyes met Ricky's own perfectly, proving his earlier point that they were indeed the same height. "You don't remember me freshman year, do you?"

"What are you talking about? You didn't go here freshman-"

"Yeah, I did," Seb said sadly, surprising Ricky more than the information Seb was giving him. "You just didn't notice. Nobody did."

"I don't-"

"In freshman year I was a loser just like you Bowen. I come from a farm family who made me wear flannels with jeans, I did theatre, and I liked…you know what forget that part. Point is I was bullied and alone and invisible, but then I got a Squip and everything changed."

"You got quick?"

"Squip. S-q-u-i-p Squip."

"Why haven't I heard of it?" Ricky was getting freaked out now. The rational part of his mind told him to leave quickly. To get out of here before Seb beat him up or tricked him into saying something embarrassing and then tell the whole school. But another part, a more desperate part, believed what Seb was saying. And if what Seb was saying was really true, then he wanted to learn more. Because maybe, just maybe, this was his ticket to getting what Seb had.

"No one has, that's the point. This is some top-secret-can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet…thing." Seb grabbed his neck again and hissed but he brushed it off quickly. "It's a supercomputer in the form of a pill. After you take it, the computer will tell you how to be cool."

"That's not possible-"

"Shut it tall-ugh." For the third time in the bathroom, Seb grabbed his neck and groaned but Ricky tried to ignore it. "Look, I'm sorry for being so mean to you this past week. My Squip said I had to but now it's saying that you aren't so bad. Maybe you'd like a Squip of your own?" When Ricky didn't answer him, Seb rolled his eyes. "Unless you don't want one-"

"Wait, please wait?" Seb stopped walking away and turned back to face Ricky, motioning for him to continue. "So, is it like, drugs?" Seb raised an eyebrow and actually seemed to contemplate his question, almost as if he wasn't experienced enough to know the answer.

"It's better than drugs, Ricky. Listen, I have a hookup. They're at the Payless shoe store, it's six hundred-"

"dollars?"

"It's worth it, trust me."

"Why should I trust you?" Ricky stood up tall as Seb suggested he should do. This was the most confident Ricky had ever acted in front of Seb and even though he was scared, he wasn't going to let it show.

"Bring me the money tomorrow. You'll see." Seb patted him on the shoulder and left the bathroom. Ricky was left alone with his thoughts as he contemplated what Seb had told him.

_It's from Japan. It's a grey, oblong pill. Quantum nanotechnology CPU. The quantum computer in the pill will travel through my blood until it implants in my brain and tells me what to do. Helps me to be cool. It will help, me, rule._

Ricky didn't know what to do. One the one hand, Seb could be telling the truth. He could have just received the secret to Seb's instant popularity. He could have just gotten his ticket out of bullying and the constant public humiliation he faces every day at East High. But on the other hand, why would Seb tell him all this? Seb Matthew-Smith: the sophomore who is bold enough to bully a junior and makes Ricky's school life absolute hell. Ricky didn't know how to handle the information, but he knew who to ask about what he had learned. And with that, he left the bathroom, exited East High, and made the ten-minute walk to Big Red's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update today because I'm loving writing this xx


	4. Two Player Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky and Big Red discuss the so-called “Squip” and take a trip to the local Payless

"No, no way dude." Big Red said as he set up the items needed for their daily gaming session - labeled controllers, snacks, and headphones that they never used but wore to looker cooler. He couldn't really believe what Ricky was telling him but he wanted to give his best friend a chance to explain why he would even consider this. Ricky was already sitting on the couch, leaving Big Red his chair. Big Red handed Ricky the x-box controller and the game began.

The basement was silent for a while - the only sounds heard were the their characters moving across the terrain and the gunshots whenever an enemy would get in their way. Big Red decided to speak up because the tension was thick and he wanted to know what Ricky thought of the "bully offered me drugs in the bathroom" situation. "Sounds like he's scamming you. Doesn't it?"

"I mean, not really? It's pretty simple, I just have to give the guy who torments me six…" Ricky seemed to register what he was about to say because he cut himself off, curling in on himself as he focused all his attention on the game in front of him. "Yeah, he's totally scamming me." Ricky huffed as "Game Over" flashed on the screen and threw the controller down, looking more defeated than Big Red had ever seen him, "Great, I guess I'm just bound to be a loser for all eternity."

"But dude, think about the future. We’re loser now because we like videogames and skating. Some thing never change dude. But, guys like us are always cool in college! High school is like the SAT: you don’t want it but you have to get through it.” Ricky peeled his eyes away from the screen to look at his friend.

“Dude is SAT is school…”

“You know what I-”

“…that was the worst analogy ever-

“ANYWAY.” Big Red laughed, eyes crinkling as he looked over at Ricky. “We just have to make it through the next two years and then we’re in.” Ricky nodded in agreement and the two went back to the game.

That was until he received a call from his father.

Ricky's phone rang and he groaned, showing Big Red the caller I.D before sliding his thumb against the bottom of the screen.

"Hello?" Ricky said, obvious to anyone paying attention that he was annoyed.

"Ricky. How's it going?" Ricky rolled his eyes.

"Fine. What's up?"

"Are you with Red?"

"Yep. What's up dad?"

"Can you pick up the groceries on your way home?" Ricky couldn't help but roll his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Yeah sure, whatever. Um, why can't you?" Ricky was getting agitated, the game in front of him completely forgotten.

"I'm taking a mental health day, and since you were out-"

"Did you even put on clothes today?" Ricky heard his father clear his throat through the phone, giving him his answer. "Thought so." He mumbled. The line was silent for a long time, making all three men very uncomfortable. Finally, Mr. Bowen spoke up again.

"Okay. Good talk son. See you later-" Ricky hung up the phone without saying goodbye, throwing the device across the room. He groaned and leaned back in the chair, gripping his hair with both hands.

"How is he?" Big Red asked. Ricky looked at Big Red, a very annoyed expression taking over his features.

"How does it sound?"

"Have you tried talking to your mom-"

“What if we just went to the Payless? Just to check it out and see if Seb is messing with me.” Ricky said on a whim. Big Red stopped talking, giving Ricky a moment to think about it. Talking to his dad put the whole situation into perspective. His dad was alone and miserable, and that's the path Ricky saw himself following at this point in time. If what Seb said was true, then this "Squip" was his way out. This Squip could be his escape from his father's meaningless life.

“But what if…” Big Red started but he cut himself off, looking back down at the controller in his hand. Ricky day up in his seat and looked at his friend intensely.

“But what if, what?” Big Red seemed to think hard about his answer before responding.

“But what if he’s not messing with you? You get this pill and you become cool but then what? Would you be too cool for m- fortnite?” Big Red started the game up again but Ricky stopped him.

“Hey, no way. You’re my best friend man, nothing is changing that.” Ricky smiles at Big Red and Big Red returner the gesture, gesturing Ricky to resume the online battle.

-

Ricky and Big Red found themselves at the Payless shoe store not knowing what to do. The store was characteristically empty, for the only living soul in the vicinity was a sketchy looking sales clerk in the back corner. The boys made eye contact before moving forward, deciding to start with the salesman and decide where to go from there.

As they traveled deeper into the store, the clerk became more clear. It was a saleswoman from the looks of it with blonde hair and an all-black outfit covering her from bead to toe. Ricky assumed this was similar getup to all the other drug dealers Seb may or may not deal with the daily, and it also looked suspiciously like the new drama teacher but Ricky wasn’t going to focus on that detail so much.

”You got the money?” The woman said quietly with an almost threatening tone. However, Ricky was here for something illegal and possibly fake - he needed to act like it.

”Nice hair, link right?” So much for acting cool. Ricky slapped Big Red’s shoulder at his friends utter stupidly and hoped to anyone listening that this woman wouldn't kick them out. Thankfully, the woman simply looked the boys up and down and asking again for the money.

”How do you know what I’m here for?” Ricky asked, almost too scared to hear the answer. The woman merely laughed, looking Ricky up and down once again.

”Wasn’t too hard. I mean, look at you.” Ricky raised an eyebrow but ignored it, despite his gut saying otherwise. He pulled the money out of his pocket, ready to hand away every dollar he has.

”That the four hundred?” Ricky and Big Red looked at each other confused.

”Four?

”That a problem?”

”No, of course not it's just uh this guy at my school is-” Ricky felt a sharp pain to his stomach. He looked down at the source to see Big Red holding a band out and eying him knowingly. ”uh, never mind” Ricky said, taking two hundred dollars from his hand and placing it with Big Red without the woman noticing. He handed the rest of the money to her reluctantly. ”Four hundred it is.” Ricky said, hoping he didn't sound too suspicious. The woman counted the money and left the boys without saying a word. Big Red and Ricky looked at one another confused until the woman returned moments later with a box. She handed the box to Ricky and looked away as he inspected the box.

"Ladies running shoes?" Was this a scam? Did Seb come here and pay some employee to charge him four-hundred dollars for a pair of shoes? Was there really no Squip? Then, Ricky watched the woman mimic opening the box, and he understood. Ricky opened the box slowly, wincing a bit at the faint glow the inside gave off in the rather dark store. When he vision clear, Ricky saw it: a small grey pill lying at the bottom of the box. Seb was telling the truth. Ricky went to reach for it before the woman put her hand on top of the box.

"Just so you know, this is untested, very illegal technology. That's why your paying with cash in the back of a shoe store. I take no responsibility for any harm that may come to you-"

"What harm-"

"You activate it with Mountain Dew - I don't know why! So don't ask. Here's the important part-"

"Um, excuse me?" Ricky, Big Red, and the stockwoman turned around to see Kourtney standing a few feet away. She was looking at them suspiciously but before Ricky or Big Red could confess to what was going on, the stockwoman took care of it.

Sort of.

"We're sold out." She said harshly. Kourtney took a step back and looked around the store confused.

"Of…shoes?" Ricky watched as the woman's eyes widened.

"Oh, you're here for shoes."

"This is a payless." Kourtney deadpanned.

"Right. Get out kids." The woman motioned Ricky and Big Red to the exit, but Ricky stopped.

"Wait! You were gonna say the important thing." The woman contemplated what Ricky said before she answered.

"Oh yeah, all sales are final."


	5. The Squip Enters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky gets the Squip

Ricky and Big Red sat in the food court: a bottle of mountain dew, a bag of chips, and a grey pill on top of the table. Ricky looked at it intensely while Big Red looked worriedly at his friend, not knowing what to say next.

"I really hope you are worth four-hundred dollars."

"Actually four-hundred-and-one dollars, don't forget about the mountain dew." Ricky rolled his eyes but this time playfully, smiling at Big Red from across the table.

"If this works, my whole life could change. We should split it! I mean, if it wasn't for you I would have payed six-hundred."

"Yeah, I don't think that's how that works. But, when you're cool, you can owe me one." Big Red smiled, punching Ricky's shoulder playfully.

"You sure?" Ricky asked him one last time.

"As long as you promise we'll still have our gaming sessions?" Big Red asked jokingly, although after twelve years of friendship, Ricky knew part of his best friend was genuinely asking.

"Promise dude." Ricky held out his fist for Red to bump, the beginning to their very long secret handshake.

Neither boy knew that was the last time they'd do that handshake for several months.

Ricky stared down at the pill one last time before dropping it into his mouth with a swish of mountain dew. Big Red was watching him intensely and Ricky tried to figure out if anything was happening. Several seconds passed before they spoke.

"What does it taste like?" Red questioned, trying not to let the worry appear on his face. Ricky contemplated the aftertaste in his mouth before he answered.

"Minty." Big Red raised an eyebrow but didn't question it further.

"How do you feel?"

"Like…" Ricky cut himself off, not wanting to say what he was thinking. He knew Seb had lied to him, he just didn't want to admit it. "…an idiot."

"Seriously? Try to say something cool." Big Red encourage him. Ricky tried to smile in Red's direction but he knew it came out like more of a grimace. He really appreciated what Big Red was trying to do, but he wasn't in the mood to be hopeful like his friend.

"I think I blew my birthday money on a wintergreen tic-tac." Big Red sighed.

"Yeah not cool dude."

"Whatever man, just leave me alone with my chips."

"Five minutes, then I'm coming back."

"Where are you going?"

"To pick up more sodas from Spencer's. This guy has a bunch of old vintage ones for me. How do you feel about trying twenty-year old Crystal Pepsi?"

"I'm good." Big Red shrugged and exited the food court, leaving Ricky alone once again. Ricky was about to open his back of chips and wallow in the sorrows of his lonely life, before he heard a familiar voice.

"Um, shouldn't we wait for everyone?" Nini. Ricky snapped his head around to see Nini walking towards his table, with E.J, not noticing his presence at all.

"Yeah, ah, we're actually not meeting the rest of the cast. I figured we could spent some time alone together. I could learn more about you, you could learn more about me, you know?" Ricky watched E.J flash his signature charming smile at Nini and her completely swooning over it. _Can this day get any worse? No, this day won't get any worse. I am going to talk to her and redeem myself._

"Yo Nini!" _Again with 'yo Nini'? How many times are you going to say that to her?_ Nini looked in Ricky's direction, eyes widening a bit at his uncharacteristic outburst.

"Oh hey Ricky, guess I didn't see you there."

"Yeah you're kind of hard to notice Ricky. C'mon Nini, I want to show you my favorite spot…" _Can't be that hard to notice since you know my name._ But Ricky was only focused on Nini.

"Wait! There's something I have to tell you." Ricky saw E.J's facial expression become very annoyed, his glare practically digging into his soul.

"Right now? Seriously?" E.J sounded annoyed too. Ricky couldn’t speak. The only sounds he could muster were quiet "I-I-I's" over and over.

Until something happened.

Before Ricky could muster more embarrassing noises, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head and a voices he found scarily familiar.

 _Target female: inaccessible._ Ricky seized as another shot of pain went through his brain, not noticing Nini and E.J questioning stares. Calibration in progress, please excuse some mild discomfort. Another sharp pain and Ricky fell to the floor, gripping his head in his hands.

"Mild?" Ricky practically screamed, drawing the attention of the entire food court. E.J had a protective arm in front of Nini, Ashlyn and Gina were observing, unamused at the school's nobody crying on the floor, and Kourtney held her phone out for a video that would most likely be circulating East High by tomorrow.

"Ricky, is everything okay?" Nini asked, concern obvious in her voice. E.J rolled his eyes, mumbling some an insult about Ricky and his freakout.

 _Calibration complete, access procedure initiated._ Ricky breathed as the pain finally subsided. He stood up and assured Nini that he was okay.

Until he wasn't.

_Discomfort level may increase._

Ricky seized again at another bolt of indescribable pain and fell to the floor. He screamed until his throat felt raw and the mall security was started to gather into the food court.

 _Accessing: neural memory. Accessing: muscle memory. Access procedure: complete. Ricky Bowen…_ a figure began to form in front of Ricky. He blinked away the tears still pooling in his eyes and as his vision cleared, he saw…his science _teacher? …Welcome to your super quantum unit intel processor…_ The figure was clear to Ricky now, and he couldn't help his eyes widening in fear at the sight in front of him.

_"…your Squip."_


	6. Be More Chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky experiences the Squip in action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italics and quotations represents the telepathic conversion between Ricky and the Squip.

_Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor…your Squip_

"You look like the stem teacher." Ricky said, completely amazed at the sight in front of him. He hated the stem teacher, everyone did, but what he was seeing was blowing his mind. The stem teacher smirked, similarly to how the actual teacher would act in class when he asked Ricky a question, knowing the young sophomore had not been listening.

" _Benjamin Mazarra: my default mode. You can also set me for: Zac Efron, Fred Rogers, Minnie Mouse-"_

"Mazarra's fine!" Ricky blurted out quickly; he wasn't sure who else could hear him, but he definitely did not want anyone else to know that those were the character options. "Can everyone see you?"

" _I exist only in your mind. All anyone can see is you having an animated conversation with yourself…so please don't do that. Think to me like you're telepathic."_

" _Like in X-Men?"_ Ricky asked excitedly, in his mind! He quickly thought back to all the movie marathon nights he and Big Red had over the years, the X-Men series being one of their favorite binge sessions. However, the reminiscing was cut short as the Squip narrowed his eyes in Ricky's direction and sighed.

_"I can see this is going to be difficult. You want to be more chill."_ The Squip stated. Not asked, stated. Ricky was already intimidated by the computer but he tried not to let it show. He also wasn't sure what "chill" meant but that didn't sound like what he wanted.

" _I do not. You see, human social activity is governed by rules, and I have the processing capacity to understand those rules, and pass them on to you."_ Ricky took a step back with hands in defense, but he allowed the computer to continue, even though he had a sneaking suspicion that the Squip would keep talking whether he formally allowed it or not. _"Richard-"_

_"Please don't call me Richard-"_

_"-your operating system is currently outdated. Your clothes, personality, way with females, it makes people nauseated. But now that I'm here, I am going to teach you how to be more chill.”_ The Squip lied a hand on Ricky’s lower back and guided him to the nearby Forever 21, holding everything physical he needed to be chill apparently. The two stopped in the front of the store, causing Ricky to slouch in to himself to hide from the judge-mental stares all around him. The bright yellow and black letters above seemed to be mocking him, almost as if it were sentient and knew he didn’t belong inside. In fact, everyone present in the store seemed to have that same feeling. Almost instantly, he felt a shock of electricity that started at his neck and traveled to his head and upper back.

“Ow!” Ricky screamed aloud, causing another, but less painful shock across his backside. He looked over to see the Squip giving him a disapproving glare.

_“No slouching and no talking out loud. Each time you disobey an order you get shocked. Think of it as a safety percussion as well as a training exercise.”_ Ricky went to answer but stopped himself, merely nodding in response. The Squip smiled approvingly. _“exactly.”_

Ricky was led over to the graphic t-shirt rack where he was forced to pick up Eminem apparel. It was a bold choice: a black t-shirt with the very outdated rapper shown three times in blue, yellow, and red boxes. Eminem was written in the signature style across the top and the words “Bezerk” were messily written underneath. He knew for a fact that only was this not his style, he wouldn’t have any information to give about its contents.

_“Try that one on.”_

_“This says Eminem.”_

_“If you are so smart then what exactly do you need me for?”_

_“I don’t think anyone still listens to Eminem._ ”

“ _That is irrelevant. My quantum structure allows me to envision possible futures, and I envision a future where you wear an Eminem shirt and things turn out well.”_ It was sketchy logic, and while every instinct in Ricky’s gut told him to run away, he nodded and held onto the shirt. He could learn to like it.

_”Now Richard-”_

_“Please just call me Ricky-”_

_“You try picking out a shirt.”_ He motioned Ricky towards the racks. This was it. Ricky had a chance to prove himself as not a loss-cause to the Squip and he wasn’t going to waste it. Ricky began scanning the racks around him, but in his nervous state, he picked up the first shirt that looked dramatically different from his own wardrobe. It was another black shirt, this time with rips and tears throughout the hem and bottom. ‘Zombies’ was written in green and the corresponding graphic design was beneath it. It was weird and extra, just like the Eminem shirt, so Ricky felt it was a good pick. Unfortunately, he thought wrong.

_“That’s a girl’s shirt.”_ The Squip began forcing Ricky to put the shirt back, until a familiar voices stopped them both in their tracks.

“Remy?” Ricky whipped his entire body around and found Ashlyn Caswell standing beside the rack, arms crossed, sunglasses in hand, and a bored expression on her face. Gina Porter stood beside her, looking confused but intrigued. The Squip elbowed him in the stomach when he failed to respond to the question, and it took all Ricky’s strength not to bend over and groan in pain. Instead, he mustered all his courage, and talked to the scariest girl in school.

“Uh Ricky, actually.”

“Since when do you shop here?”

“Oh uh, always have, I guess-”

_“Never.”_ The Squip corrected.

“-Never” Jeremy said quickly, trying but failing to cover up his mistake. Ashlyn raised an eyebrow but said nothing about his obvious freakout.

“ _Now, greet the beta.”_ The Squip demanded. His voice seemed to be getting more and more sinister as the commands went on but Ricky didn’t notice, too invested in the little progress he had made so far.

“ _The beta…? Oh._ Hey Gina?” Gina Porter. Ricky didn’t know much about her other than her friendship with Ashlyn. However, he did have to admit she was pretty, maybe prettier than Ashlyn, even though the entire school would disagree with him. He saw Gina smile at him, eyes going wide and thankful in his direction.

“Hey.”

_“You look sexy-”_

_“I can’t say that to a hot girl-”_

_“-Don’t smile at her. Stare intensely and speak like you don’t care what happens next.”_

“Looking pretty sexy Gina.” Ricky practically screamed at her. Gina didn’t seem to be phased by Ricky outburst, but rather flustered.

“Thanks-”

“Is that a girl’s shirt?” Ashlyn questioned once again. Ricky took a step back as an instinct to shock, but took a deep breath and tried to navigate this conversation in the way the Squip was directing him.

“No.”

_“Yes”_

“Yes.” Ricky was getting a headache but he tried to ignore it, solely focusing on the girls in front of him.

_“Follow me: tell her you saw it in the window and it reminded you of a girl you used to date.”_ Ricky nodded and repeated the instruction, getting positive responses from both targets. They seemed to be buying into the lies and Ricky was very grateful for that.

“Who was she?” Ashlyn asked, bored expression finally morphing into one of somewhat interest. Ricky stumbled for a moment trying to find a name, until the Squip gave him the perfect one.

“Emily.” Ricky answered hesitantly, knowing how Ashlyn would respond.

“Emily?” Ashlyn screamed, crumpling a handful of receipts as she glared off into space, most likely reminiscing on unpleasant memories.

“She’s an actress.” Ricky said, trying to fill the awkward space left in the conversation. Ashlyn’s face was getting more and more red and Gina stepped away a bit, clearly not wanting to get near Ashlyn during her moment.

“She is not an actress! She just thinks she is just because of that stupid school she got in to!”

“Emily broke up with you?” Gina questioned.

“Yes.”

_“No.”_

“No?” 

_“I broke up with her because she cheated on me.”_

“I broke up with her because she cheated on me.” Ricky repeated robotically. He understood the system a bit more now: the Squip was in control. Ricky was just there to listen and obey.

“See Gina, what did I tell you about her?”

“You are better off without her Ricky.”

“Who does she think she is?” As the girls got into a heated discussion over Emily, Ricky turned back to the Squip.

_“What just happened?”_

“ _A connection. A shared negative opinion on someone or a shared experience is the best way to form a bond with another individual. Now, the girls are about to leave and Gina is going to offer you a ride. It is very important that you take it.”_

_“Huh?”_

“Hey Ricky, do you wanna ride?”

“Um, thanks but I have to meet my friend back at the food court.” Gina frowned and the Squip rushed to damage control.

_“Ricky, if this is going to work you have to do as I say, just like I stopped calling you Richard.”_

“You sure you don’t need one?” Gina asked again, eyes desperate for Ricky to accept. Ricky looked at Gina, the Squip, the food court, and then back at Gina.

“Maybe next time.” Gina nodded and began following a chatting Ashlyn out of the store. Before she left, however, she whispered into Ricky’s ear,

“You know, my ex-boyfriend cheated on me too. So I get it, what you’re going through.” She smiles genuinely and left the store. Ricky smiled back, very much satisfied by how that interaction went.

_“I can’t wait to find Red and tell him all about that.”_

_“Mr. Redonovich has left the mall.”_

_“What? Why didn’t you-”_

_“I suggested you take the ride with Gina but you didn’t listen to me. Which reiterates my point, Me. Bowen, If you don’t listen to me, this partnership is not going to successful, and the girl of your dreams will never be yours. If you listen to me, Ricky, everything about you is going to be wonderful. You will-”_

_“Be More Chill.”_


	7. Sync Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky learns more about his peers and the importance of connections

Ricky woke up the next morning…confused to say the least. The morning began as it always had: Ricky woke up feeling exhausted from a lack of sleep, the first thing he saw was the previous day's clothes on the floor, and the house was completely silent. The last part was newer addition to his daily routine, but Ricky was getting used to it. However, there was something Ricky could not figure out. While he did remember the events from the day before, he couldn't be sure that the whole ordeal wasn’t just a dream. Did he just image his interaction with Seb, the payless, the sketchy employee, and the Squip?

Deciding he'd done enough wondering and needed to figure out the state of his mind, he began tapping his temples and whispering greeting to the air around him. As he tapped and called, he looked around his bedroom for any sign of the supercomputer. Unfortunately, he couldn't find any trace of the scary stem teacher. Ricky sighed and pulled at his hair. Of course it was a dream; boys like Ricky Bowen don't get guardian angels that make them popular and smooth with girls like Christine. Frankly, Ricky thought he was stupid for even thinking it was real for a second.

However, Ricky wasn't one to dwell on things he couldn't change. So instead of moping around all day, he decided to get on with his life and do something that would always make him feel better.

Watching porn.

Ricky pulled on a random t-shirt and made his way over to the desk on the other side of the room. He sat down and immediately opened a bookmarked page on the incognito browser. As he waited for the website to load, he sighed contently to himself. He may not be popular, and he may not actually have a super-teacher, but at least he had this website. However, right as the video finished loading and the window prompted him to press play, Ricky noticed a crumpled bag halfway under his bed. It was neon yellow with black letters on what he assumed was the front. Ricky didn't remember buying anything recently, and none of the stores he shopped at had bags like that one. It was too…in. In fact, Ricky recognized that bag…

"Wait-ow!"

_"Didn't we talk about this type of activity?"_

Despite the pain in his neck, Ricky smiled wider than he thinks he ever has. Because standing before him was his Squip. The supercomputer was wearing a white blazer and matching slacks. It was lined in silver but unlike the day before, no coding designs adorned the button up underneath. The Squip was glaring, which was an expression Ricky had gotten used to and was thankful to see again so soon, even if it meant he had done something terribly wrong.

When Ricky realized that he had been staring at the Squip instead of answering the question, he cleared his throat and spoke.

 _"I mean, not specifically."_ The Squip rolled his eyes but nodded in understanding.

_"Fine, here's the official instruction: no masturbating. That's what girls are for."_

_"Well, I've never had a girl."_

_"Not yet, but isn’t that why you got me?"_

_"Well, no. I got you to make me cool. I think a girl would be a bonus."_

_"Not just any girl, Ricky. Nini. That is the target's name, correct?"_

_"I wish we weren't referring to her as a target but yes, that is her name. Can you really help her like me?"_ Ricky wasn’t sure what to make of this. He did not want to get up his hopes about Nini ever liking him. But, then again, he would have never thought Ashlyn and Gina would give him the time of day.

_"Of course. I have the capability to understand what could help Nini find you attractive and will influence a course of actions that will help you ask her out."_

"Ricky?" He groaned as he heard his dad's voice call out from outside his bedroom, dreading what will become the next few seconds of his life. Without any response, Mr. Bowen entered Ricky's room and began asking a handful of questions that Ricky refused to answer. "Hey, how's it going buddy?" Ricky merely rolled his eyes, taking in the sight of his father glad in the same bathrobe from the previous day, no pants to be found.

"Do you plan on getting dressed today? Maybe making your bed, or the couch since you can't even sleep in your own room?" The room became dead silent, the Squip not making a sound in Ricky's head at the two Bowens stared each other down until one gave in. The one, would turn out to be Mr. Bowen only a few moments later.

"Good talk, son." His father left the room and Ricky sighed in annoyance, slamming the laptop cover donw and dropping his head onto his desk.

_"That is your parental figure?"_

_"Unfortunately, yes."_

_"We need to find you a compatible female and quickly."_

-

Ricky walked into school, now wearing the Eminem t-shirt and jeans instead of his usual hoodie and sweatpants. He got to keep the vans he usually wore, but only because he made him look more like bad-boy. Ricky didn't understand that reasoning, but if the Squip says the majority of females are attracted to bad boys who wearing brand sneakers, he was going to go with it.

Before Ricky could make it to his locker, he was stopped by Seb. His bully was wearing his signature "I'm too good for school look": a tank top and camouflaged cargo pants with a red streak through his hair. The visual made Ricky jump for a moment before the Squip talked him down from the rising panic attack.

"Yo, tallass! Do you have my money today?" Seb tone was harsh but somehow, Ricky could tell it wasn’t serious. He wasn't sure if it was because of his talk with Seb the previous day or the Squip whispering something in the back of his mind, but whatever it was, it was helping calm his nerves.

"Um-"

_"Up up down down left right A"_

" _What_ -ouch!" Ricky grabbed the back of his neck at the same time Seb did, causing both boys to look at each other with wide eyes.

"You got one?" Seb exclaimed, not looking mad like Ricky thought he would. Regardless, Ricky's nerves caused him to panic and attempt to defend his actions.

"Yes, Seb I am so sorry I meant to go through you but I went down there to see it-please don't hit me!"

"Ricky, that is awesome! I mean, yeah, I could have used the money. Things aren't great with my family right now and I've been spending most nights at a hotel if you get what I'm saying…?"

"Uh-" As he had been doing all day, the Squip told Ricky exactly how to answer. "Yeah, my dad is too nosy too."

 _"What was that?"_ Ricky asked but the Squip didn’t answer, simply standing there looking smug and very happy with his work. Ricky looked back to Seb and awaited his response.

"Yes, f-fucking dads, right? Maybe you could come over to my room at the hotel, I have a Wii, drinks, and a speaker - we could totally chill sometime."

"Um yeah, that sounds like fun." Ricky said cautiously, still not used to civil treatment from Seb. But when his ex-bully held out a curled fist, Ricky smiled and bumped it. When Seb walked away, Ricky once again asked his Squip what had happened.

_"I synced with Seb's Squip. Now his desires are compatible with your own."_

_"And that makes him act like we are friends and like he doesn't hate me for no reason?_ "

_"What is friendship but a bond between two people? Now, you and Seb have a bond! It's just digital.”_

Ricky began walking down the hallway once again, striding much more confidently than he ever would on his own. People took notice though, and instead of glares and mocking laughter, Ricky was receiving smiles and waves. As Ricky passed people he knew, the Squip began giving him bits of information about each of his peers.

He first passed E.J Caswell - the competition for Christine. He was leaning against his locker talking loudly with Seb. He was wearing his signature Varsity Jacket from being co-captain of the East High water polo team, and he was wearing a smile that practically made his teeth sparkle. He was invested in the story he was telling, and that was the topic of the Squip's remarks.

_"Elijiah Caswell. He exaggerates his life in entertainment to others in order to make himself feel better about the loneliness he feels without his parents around and losing his cousin Ashlyn."_

_"Huh, but E.J is popular? How could he-"_

_"Those facts are not mutually exclusive, Ricky. Moving onto Sebastian Matthew-Smith. He comes from a large, overinvolved family of farmers. He was completely invisible freshman year and was…questioning things, but then he got a Squip and everything about him is better."_

_"What do you mean questioning-"_ The Squip continued leading Ricky down the hallway until they arrived at his locker, where once again the three most popular girls in school were gossiping.

"Ashlyn Caswell. She was always referred to as 'E.J's cousin' and was never seen by anyone. To fix that, she reinvented herself the summer before ninth grade, stopped talking to E.J, got an attractive boyfriend, and now she is the most popular girl in school. She became cruel because of her fear of losing this status and returning to a place of irrelevance."

_"How could that be? Ashlyn can't be scared of anything-"_

_"Everyone is scared of something, Ricky. The most dangerous people are the ones who pretend they aren't. Next up is Gina Porter. She was an exchange student last year, but when her mother was transferred again, Gina decided she would rather live in a foster home than follow her mother to the East Coast. They have not spoken in several months now. Gina is afraid of losing someone else, which is why she follows Ashlyn around and accepts all insults thrown at her."_

_"Oh my g-"_

_"Kourtney Renee. She spreads gossip because she is desperate for people to see her as an equal. In order to get invited places, she spends hours a day gathering intel on students at East High School, and learning the newest makeup trends to be sure she is invited to social events outside and the popular table."_ At this point, Ricky could only nod in response. He was getting a lot of information about people who didn't like him and it was making him feel very overwhelmed. But he couldn't tell the Squip to stop, he knew the supercomputer would not appreciate being cut off.

Ricky finally made it to his homeroom, but stopped in his tracks when he saw Nini in the space already. She was beautiful, was the first thing Ricky noticed. She was wearing a pink sweater and high-rise jeans, something that Ricky thought made her look like herself - a soft, kind-hearted angel. Okay, maybe he was being a bit over the top, but she was the most beautiful person Ricky had ever seen, and he couldn’t help his scrambled thoughts. Fortunately, he was cut off before his thoughts could spiral. Unfortunately, he was cut off by someone he didn’t want to hear talk right now.

 _"Carlos Rodriguez, almost as big a loser as you were yesterday. He has never had friends and is bullied worse than you were. He is gay, which is probably the biggest issue, and his obnoxious wardrobe does not help his case. His unhealthy obsession with dancing and bossy nature stem from his overwhelming loneliness."_ Ricky wanted to be sick.

_"Nini Salazar-Roberts-"_

_"Do I want to hear this one-"_

_"-she is an amateur theatre student who has never gotten a part bigger than an animal. She feels like she is never heard or seen, so she throws herself into theatre where she can be someone who is heard and seen. She is not cool, but she is not a loser either. She would not be my ideal choice for you, but I believe I can make that situation work.”_

_"How could she think that…"_

_"Like I said Mr. Bowen, everyone is afraid of something."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been my absolute favorite chapter to write. I loved bringing the insecurities and flaws of the hsmtmts characters into the bmc characters, and that’s what i hope to keep doing as the musical continues:) hope you enjoyed!


	8. A Guy That I’d Kind Be Into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky learns about a guy Nini likes

"So, is this seat saved?" The cast of _Beauty and the Beast_ was in the bombshelter waiting for Miss Jenn, and Ricky watched as Ashlyn approached Nini is her seat. She was seated in a circle of chairs in the middle of the room, and she was looking at Ashlyn like she didn't know what to say next.

"Um yeah actually-"

"Great." Ashlyn sat down in the seat beside her anyway, and Nini bit her lip as her discomfort grew. Ashlyn studied Nini for a moment before she began talking.

"So, Kourtney tells me she saw you with E.J at the mall last night?" She asked, but everyone listening could tell she wasn’t really asking. Nini once again looked conflicted, but Ricky knew she wouldn’t lie about it, even if, for his own sake, he really wanted her to.

"Yeah, that's who the seat is saved for…"

"Hmm. Well, I wouldn’t expect much. E.J only cares about himself and he will just drag you down. If I were you I'd back off." Nini flinched at Ashlyn's harsh tone, chair scratching on the floor as she tried to get away.

"I'm confused, are you into him? Aren't you guys cousins?"

"No obviously I'm not into him. I was just trying to do the right thing but if you don't want to listen to me than don't. It's your own loss." Ashlyn got up from the chair and stormed off in Gina's direction, not once looking back in Nini's direction. Before Ricky could say anything to make her feel better, Miss Jenn entered the bomb shelter with E.J quickly on her tail. Rehearsals were beginning.

"Everyone, I hope you all saw the cast list that was posted last night. But, since most of you are new and popular, you probably don't follow East High on any social medias so I will go over it right now. I have chosen E.J and Gina to be our two leads…" Ricky's heart broke as he saw Nini's face fall. Suddenly, the Squip's comments from earlier were replaying in his head, and he longed to give Nini a part in which she felt like she could be heard. "Seb will be playing Gaston, Ashlyn will be playing Mrs. Potts, Kourtney will be Madame Garderobe, Nini will be Plumette, Ricky you will be playing Chip, and I have asked Carlos here to play Lumiere along with being our choreographer!" Miss Jenn was the only one clapping by the end of her announcement. The rest of the room was filled with individual chatter among the different friend groups in the room. Ricky was the only one who was quiet, too busy watching Nini and E.J talking to one another. He couldn’t be sure when exactly E.J had gone over to her, but he was fuming on the inside. "Okay! I want to go over some things with our leads, so I need E.J and Gina to follow me over here. The rest of you, please grab your name plates from this pile and take a seat. Please try to sit near someone who you share scenes with, meaning save two seats next to each other for E.J and Gina." _Thank god_ Ricky thought to himself.

 _"Don’t say that yet."_ He heard the Squip say. But, this was his chance. Without any instruction from the Squip, Ricky walked over to Christine, trying to act or feel as chill as he looked.

"Yo Nini. This seat taken?"

_"Is there a reason you keep greeting the target with that phrase?"_

_"No, but at this point I think I have to keep doing it."_

"Um, no I guess not." Nini said quietly, looking down at her script without any of the enthusiasm he saw yesterday.

"Are you okay?" She was quiet for a long time, staring down at her script as if it were the only object in the world. Ricky could see the tears forming in her eyes, but as much as he wanted to comfort her, he knew they weren't there yet. Eventually, he got concerned so he cleared his throat to get her attention. Nini snapped her head up and looked at Ricky, a sheepish grin overtaking her frown.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. I feel like I should be asking you that question."

"What do you mean?"

"In the mall yesterday? You were-"

"Uh, yeah that was just…um…random performance art?" Ricky wanted to facepalm right then and there, but he resisted. Clearly Nini already thought he was a freak, there was no need to add to those rumors. Instead of judging him, however, she smiled and laughed.

"Yeah, I get that. I love random performance art." They smiled at one another, both of them getting lost in the other's gaze. Ricky was on top of the world. He felt like Nini was the only person in the room and like they could sit there all day, just observing one another in complete silence and peace. Until one of the other girls screamed and Ashlyn jumped out of her seat. Nini and Ricky broke out of their trance and cleared their throats, looking away from one another for the first time in minutes.

"Hey Ricky-"

"Yes!" Nini raised an eyebrow and the Squip shocked him again, giving him a very intimating glare from the chair a few down from his own. Ricky fumbled a bit before rephrasing his outburst. "I mean, um yes?" Nini laughed and continued, looking down and moving a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Can I ask you something?" This thought he might die right then and there. Nini, wanted to ask him something! Not E.J - him! Ricky felt giddy as good be and it took every ounce of strength not to bounce in excitement in his chair. Thankfully, he held back and simply smiled and nodded.

"Of course. You can ask me anything." Ricky stared at Nini wide eyed and she prepared her question, and Ricky was getting anxious but excited. This could be the moment. This could be when Nini and he finally get the connection he's been longing to have for so many years. And he, with the help of the Squip, was finally ready.

"Well…Do you have a person you see every single day? You pass them in the hallway, and you always thought of them one way, but it was mainly because you didn’t know them that well? But then something happens and everything you believed you thought about them changes. They become a guy that I could kinda be into. Because sometimes I feel like I can't connect to people, or that people don't see me. But he seems to see me, and it's nice, you know? And a part of me really wants to try something, but is it worth the risk? Is it worth it, Ricky?"

 _"Is she talking about me?"_ Ricky asked the Squip hopefully.

_"Of course she is. I've been activating your pheromones! Ever heard of Throb? Keep it up!"_

"Yes, absolutely." Ricky said immediately. Because this was better than he thought! Not only was he having a moment with Nini, but now they might actually get together! Ricky had never been happier, and he was so grateful for his grandmother giving him all that birthday money. That Squip was the best thing that's ever happened to him.

"Really?" Nini asked once more, eyes wide and looking at Ricky as if he held all the answers. Ricky could get used to that look.

"Really" Ricky reassured. He gripped the side of his chair, the side closest to Nini, prepared to grab her hand when the time was finally right.

"It's so weird, but I think it's true. So, the guy that I'd kinda be into…is…"

 _"Yes"_ Ricky urged anyone listening, even if it wasn't Nini.

"is…E.J"

_"What?"_

_"Warning, warning"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, I have given a casting for beauty and the beast, which is actually one of my dream castings for season two.  
> All of my dream castings deal with Gina and E.J as leads because they deserve those parts.  
> hope you all enjoyed the double update :)


	9. An Upgrade for the Loser Geek Whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky has to make some decisions that will impact his new life at East High

The Squip led Ricky outside of the school, continuing to say "warning" in his ear. It wasn't really sure what to do next since obviously the target female really was inaccessible. Ricky suddenly stopped moving and turned around, confusion and anger clear on his face.

"What was that?" Ricky was talking out loud. The Squip would usually shock him for that, but Ricky couldn't even bring himself to be thankful for it.

_"I am sorry, but clearly the target female does not see you as relationship material."_

_"I know that! That's why I got you!"_

_"Well technically, Mr. Bowen, you purchased me in order to become popular."_

_"Yeah! To get Nini!"_

_"But, there are hundreds of females at this school. Just based on drama rehearsal, East High females are very impressive. Are you sure she’s the one you want?"_

_"Yes."_ The Squip studied him for a moment before giving in to the request. _"Okay so how do I get her?"_

_"You can't yet. Becoming the kind of man who can impress Nini requires more than throb and a new wardrobe. You are going to increase your reputation. You need to upgrade. Activate tears."_

_"What?"_ Before Ricky could react, he was crying against his will. The tears poured out of his eyes and the sobs were embarrassingly loud.

"Ricky. Hey." Ricky turned around to see Gina walking towards him. She looked concerned but also very calm and collected. That was something Ricky noticed about her recently, which is surprising based on what the Squip told him that morning.

"H-hey Gina. Sorry I don't k-know why I'm c-crying." Ricky choked out through his sobs, still not understanding the Squip's motivation. If he had to guess, him having a breakdown behind the school is the worst way to get him popular.

"I do. And it's okay Ricky. They're saying it was a hockey accident - no one saw it coming." Ricky, although he was still crying, mustered enough strength over his own body to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Oh god. Wait you didn't hear? Eminem is dead."

"Eminem is dead?!" Now the tears had stopped and Ricky could only stand still and silent, completely shocked by the information he was being told.

"Yeah. I wasn't into him because he kind of sucked as a human being but I know you liked him. I'm sorry, Ricky. I understand what it's like, you know. To lose someone who mattered to you." Ricky wanted to be listening to her, he really did. But he was too scared about what just went down. As Gina continued talking, Ricky made eye contact with the Squip who was standing right behind her, the usual smug smile on his face.

 _"Did you know Eminem was going to die?"_ Ricky hoped he would get a negative response, but at this point, he wasn't really sure.

 _"Of course not."_ Ricky sighed in relief, thankful that the supercomputer in his head wasn't some mass murderer.

 _"Okay. So you telling me to wear this shirt was a complete coincidence then?_ The Squip rolled his eyes to the side, thinking about Ricky's question before answering. When he was ready, he made eye contact with Ricky, and the junior swore he saw the computer's eyes turn blue for a moment.

 _"Of course not."_ Ricky's eyes widened in fear.

_"Wait. Did you kill Eminem?!"_

_"No, not exactly. My quantum processor allows me to envision possible futures. While I did not know that today, Eminem would be impaled by that rogue hockey stick, I was aware of the probability of a…favorable outcome."_

_"Favorable for who?!"_

"It's okay Ricky, you don't have to be alone right now. Sometimes things change, but that's life, you know?" Gina smiled at him and Ricky couldn't help but smile back.

 _"You need to become popular, and here's a popular girl who likes you. She's going to take you to her favorite spot behind the school, and you are going to follow her."_ Gina took Ricky's hand and led him further behind the school. The pair stopped at the bleaches of the outdoor field, and Gina motioned for Ricky to sit down. Ricky watched as Gina looked up and breathed in. She looked content, which is not a condition Ricky is used to seeing her in.

"Isn't the sun on the bleachers just…freeing." Gina sighed, a small smile appearing on her lips. Ricky watched her intensely, not understanding why people always put her second to Ashlyn. She was beautiful, kind, and clearly caring. If Ricky wasn't so into Nini, he could truly see himself being with her. That thought made Ricky feel very guilty about what he was doing. Was he really going to use Gina just to get Nini? Even now that he knows that her deepest fear is losing people?

 _"Don't feel guilty about this Ricky. You want to get Nini, and in order to do that you need to become popular like E.J. Gina is your ticket there, so I wouldn't screw it up."_ The Squip smirked, and when Ricky looked back at Gina, he saw her leaning in. Ricky started to lean away from her, knowing where this was going and not wanting to put her through anymore pain. But the Squip didn’t care about the internal debate about his moral compass. Instead, he merely pushed him forward. Their lips connected awkwardly and Ricky fumbled, not knowing what to do with his hands or if he should be moving his head or tongue. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping it would all be over soon. Maybe soon, if he listened to the Squip, he could be doing this with Nini. And maybe, hopefully, Gina wouldn’t hate him for this.

-

"Hey Nini, wait up!" Nini turned around to see E.J running towards her. When he stopped, he smiled down at her, his unusually tall built almost intimidating to her. But, his charming smile made all her worries fade, something that Nini never had before. Nini wasn't sure what it was, but something about E.J made her feel seen. He was kind and dedicated and hot, Nini couldn't help but add-in, and she didn't want to let that go.

"Hey E.J," Nini replied back. She was younger than him, so she didn't want to sound too desperate. However, her wide smile that was sending sharp pains to her cheeks redacted that goal.

"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over to my house tonight? We could run lines…even if we don't really have any together." E.J seemed to be getting nervous, which made Nini smile even wider. She couldn’t imagine an older boy getting nervous about talking to her, but she loved the way her stomach filled with butterflies at the thought. "Look, Nini. I've never been the type of guy who felt something in relationships. But with you…I don't know. You make me want to be better. I noticed you last year and I thought you were so cute and I wanted to get to know you better. That's why I made sure to do theatre this year and why I forced everyone to do it with me. I wanted to see you. So, what do you say? I've got a big house and it gets kind of lonely without my parents…or my cousin…" E.J's eyes fell to the ground and Nini immediately put a hand on his arm. E.J's eyes snapped back up and his smile met her own.

"Let's go." She whispered.

-

 _"Hold on!"_ Ricky screamed inside his head, finally getting the Squip's attention. _"There is just too much going on right now! I need a minute to like…process this, or something!"_ The Squip nodded in understanding, something that Ricky was very grateful for.

 _"Of course."_ With an electric zap, the Squip vanished from sight, leaving Ricky completely alone for the first time that day. But, before he could think about all the events that had just transpired, he saw Big Red walking away from the school and about to get on his skateboard.

"Red?" Ricky called out, running towards his best friend. Big Red looked up when his name was called, but looked back down when he found the source. When Ricky saw Red ignoring him, he immediately walked much faster. He finally caught up to Big Red and grabbed his arm before the younger boy could leave. "Hey man, what's going on, I haven't seen you all day."

"That's not true, you have been avoiding me all day. I saw you during every passing period and I tried to talk to you but you just walked away from me. Big Red looked sad, and it was broke Ricky's heart to see his best friend like that. But Ricky had no idea what he was talking about.

"No, I haven't seen you since yesterday…" Suddenly, he had an idea. "Hold on," Ricky said to Red who was holding his skateboard impatiently.

 _"Reactivate."_ Once more, the Squip was standing in front of him. _"Why haven't I seen Big Red all day?"_

_"It's a little something I like to call Optic Nerve Blocking. You see, I've been blocking Mr. Redonevich from your field of vision."_

_"Huh?"_

"Dude…? Why are you just standing there all creepy and stuff?"

_"…Big Red…I cannot believe that is his real name. Big Red is a link to Ricky 1.0. In order to upgrade, you must be willing to make sacrifices."_

"Seriously, what's been up with you. You ditched me at the mall, you have been ignoring me all day, you were talking to Seb this morning without getting beat up…" Ricky watched the realization hit Big Red like a freight train. When it did, his friend's smile grew and his eyes held so much excitement. "It worked? Ricky, that's amazing! What’s it like? Is it nice? We have to test it out in my basement!"

Ricky looked between the Squip and Big Red. He had two options: follow the Squip, become popular, get Nini, but lose his best friend. Or he could go with Red, lose everything he worked so hard towards, and go back to being a nobody. A loser, a geek, or whatever. _No._ Ricky couldn't go back to that life. All his life he's been invisible - having only Red as a friend to turn to. He was bullied, ignored, and despised by all of East High. The girl he liked didn't even know he existed. He was so close to getting everything he ever wanted and he couldn't give it up. Big Red was always okay with being alone - he would be fine.

He watched as Big Red threw down his skateboard and put a foot on it. He looked at Ricky expectedly and excited. Then he watched the Squip fold his arms and raise an eyebrow, motioning back to where he left Gina.

"Ricky? You coming, dude?" Ricky took one last look at his best friend before he lowered his eyes and sighed.

"Optic Nerve Blocking: On."

"What _-" "Excellent_." Suddenly, Big Red disappeared from his sight and he was left alone with the Squip. He again saw the flash of blue in its eyes and his smirk grew even wider. It put a hand on Ricky's shoulder and started to lead him back to the bleachers.

_"Let's get to work."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for Act I - this is where things start to get very interesting.  
> I try to not copy the script word for word but the Eminem part is my absolute favorite and I couldn't help myself.  
> I also tried to use this as an opportunity to write a thing for E.J that sort of relates to the show bc I think he gets way too much hate.  
> For Act II I'm definitely going to bring in some more of the other characters (probably accept Miss Jenn because the theatre teacher really doesn't have a big role in this musical) so I'm very excited about that.  
> I hope you all are enjoying this because now I'm having so much fun writing this.


	10. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> E.J Caswell throws a party that Ricky Bowen will never forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NON-CONSENSUAL KISSING/SEXUAL ACTS ARE IN THIS CHAPTER IF THAT TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE DON'T READ WHEN YOU GET TO THE PART WITH ASHLYN AND RICKY*
> 
> First chapter of Act II - this is where things start to get interesting  
> It's almost 4am and it's double update time so I hope you enjoy the next two chapters:)

To say Ricky was excited was an understatement. He was currently driving to the biggest party of the year in the car he stole from his father, and he was actually invited - no sneaking in necessary.

The first two months of Ricky's junior year had been insane but the best of his life. He became very good friends with Seb and he began dating Gina officially. Through those two connections and his time in the fall musical which was set to open in only a few days, he gained so many new friends, even E.J whom he spent all of September rivaling with. Life had changed drastically for Ricky Bowen, and he had the Squip to thank.

Ricky arrived at E.J's place about a half-hour after the instructed start time - per the Squip's suggestion - and he was in awe of the sight in front of him. E.J's house was huge to put it lightly. There was a turn around driveway, a large, obviously professionally kept lawn, and a gate was needed to get in aside from that moment where they were wide open to allow guests in. Ricky found himself jealous before he remembered what the Squip told him about E.J that first day - he may have a huge house and an extravagant life, but he was living through it alone. Ricky shook off the thought and got out of the car. Tonight was gonna be a thought-free night for Ricky and he was going to enjoy every second of it.

When Ricky entered the house he was immediately overwhelmed by the environment. Teenagers were drinking and dancing everywhere he looked, couples were making out on couches, and garbage covered every area where bodies weren't. While Ricky had been to parties and always felt overwhelmed, this time it was different. This time, Ricky couldn't just hide in the corner with Big Red and make fun of people. This time, Ricky was going to be a center of attention with a big group of friends and he was going to have to participate, and the thought scared him.

_"Quit the inner monologue and go find Gina."_ The Squip snapped in his ear. Ricky rolled his eyes but complied - something he had gotten very used to doing the last couple of months. He loved the Squip, he really did, but it could be a pain in the ass sometimes.

Ricky pushed his way through the crowd and finally found his group in the center of the living room - Ashlyn, Gina, Kourtney, Seb, and E.J are crowded together amongst the chaos happening around them. E.J and Ashlyn, Ricky noticed, were on opposite sides of the circle, but they were acting civil which was a plus in everyone's book. Ricky stopped and took in his friends' appearances, each of them having participated in the costume theme of musical theatre. Glancing down at his own red and blue sweater and white and black scarf (still having no idea who he was supposed to be), he felt less out of place. Gina was wearing a tight yellow crop top and matching plaid skirt, a yellow blazer that once adorned her slim frame thrown on the couch behind her. She looked beautiful, and Ricky truly wished he felt something for her other than friendship. Kourtney and Ashlyn were dressed very similarly, except Ashlyn was wearing a tied-up red button-down and Kourtney still wore her green blazer. The girls were obviously part of a group costume, but Ricky wasn't invested in theatre enough to know who they were. Seb was wearing khakis and a blue button, which with the number of buttons undone mine as well not even be there. Over the months that they had been friends, Ricky had gotten very good at reading Seb's facial expressions, despite the Squip's demands to unlearn that habit, and Seb looked very uncomfortable. His face was stern and his eyes looked red, and if he was anyone else he may think the boy was high. Once again he had no idea who he was supposed to be, but if Seb's Squip was anything like his own, the supercomputer picked it out. Finally, E.J and Nini, who Ricky knew were doing a couple's costume because they were the only ones he recognized. Nini's bright red dress and E.J's white tracksuit with the word "Bolton" patched on the back didn't go unnoticed by anyone, and the sight of it made Ricky's heartache.

_"All in good time Ricky. Now go! You look ridiculous standing there not doing anything and Gina is waiting for you."_

At that moment, Gina turned around and smiled brightly when he saw Ricky standing at the entrance of the living room. She motioned him over and patted the open space next to her.

"Ricky! I was worried when you weren't here for so long. Did you get any of my messages?" As per usual, Ricky repeated exactly what the Squip told him to say.

"Am I late? I didn't even realize." He shrugged off her other question because listening to intently shows too much interest and that leads to being taken advantage of, which is the last thing Ricky wants. Due to his selfish thoughts, he missed the falter in Gina's always present smile. Slowly but surely, he was breaking her heart.

"Um, do you like my costume?" She asked him hopefully and ignoring what the Squip was telling him to say, Ricky was going to tell her the truth.

"Yeah, I really like it! Who are you supposed to be?" Ricky asked, genuinely interested in her response because he truly had no idea who she was, regardless of how beautiful she looked. But unfortunately, that was the wrong response because Gina's smile fully fell and her eyes started to develop tears. Ricky didn't need the Squip to know he needed damage control and fast. "Wait ah no that's not what I meant, seriously! I don't know a lot about musicals, um friend actually picked out my costume for me, so really I have no idea who you are. I'm sure it's a really good costume though and you look really amazing in it so…" Ricky trailed off and Gina smiled softly, giving him the faintest peck on the cheek to show she wasn't angry with him. The rest of the group welcomed him excitedly but Ricky's focus was on Nini and E.J who were cuddling on the floor across the circle. Ricky wanted more than anything to look away but he couldn't so he did the next best thing - he started kissing Gina. Teasing and applauses erupted around the circle but Ricky didn't pay it any attention as his focus was on Gina and getting the image of E.J and Nini out of his head. It worked for a moment before he began to feel guilty about using Gina again, so he pulled away and gave her a tight smile.

After about an hour, the group started to disperse. After downing three beers, Seb up and left and no one had seen him since, Gina and Nini went to get more drinks for the group, and Kourtney left to scope out drama and dirt for the next day. This left only Ricky and E.J in the circle, which was a little too much for him to handle. To make matters worse, the drinks Ricky had forced the Squip to return to its factory settings and then power off, so he was left without a guide for the time being.

"Hey Ricky, can I talk to you for a second?" E.J voice slurred from the many drinks he had consumed but Ricky got the gist and hesitantly nodded, not having any clue where this conversation could be going. "Look, I know things were a little rocky with us at the beginning, so consider this my olive branch - you should go for it." Ricky raised a confused eyebrow, but the alcohol gave him the courage to continue without the supercomputer.

"Go for what?"

"Nini." That caused Ricky to spit out the drink he had been working on. He was coughing up a lung and E.J reached over and slapped his back. "H-how w-what what do you mean I should go for Nini?"

"I mean I know you like her a lot, and I think you should ask her out." Ricky wasn't sure what type of game E.J was playing but he wasn't a fan.

"So basically you are asking me to steal your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend. We broke up right before the party started."

"No, no that's impossible because you guys were cuddling an hour ago."

"That's just how Nini is, but I'm telling you we are done. We talked it out: she said she really didn't like me that way and that we decided we were better off as friends, which I agree with. We’ve only been friends for a couple of hours and it's already so much better than us being together. So, with that in mind, if you still like her I think you should make a move before another me does." E.J laughed and clapped Ricky's shoulder. Ricky looked at E.J in awe and wondering how it was possible that this was the same guy who was harassing him alongside Seb only a couple months ago.

"Thanks, man-"

"R-Ricky!" Ricky turned around at the call of his name to see Ashlyn stumbling towards him. He missed E.J tense at the scene but he knew deep down something bad was going to happen. "Gina has a surprise for you upstairs and she sent me to get you." Ashlyn was smiling wide and that made Ricky nervous, but he followed her upstairs and into a large bedroom regardless. "This is E.J's parents' room. Don't worry, they aren't using it. I think they are on a spa retreat with my parents right now? Or they are on a cruise? Whatever they're somewhere and it's not here so let's go!"

"Let's go?" Before Ricky could question her comments further, he was being pushed backwards onto the bed and Ashlyn was on top of him. She smirked down at him from her position of authority and before he knew it, her lips were on his. Needless to say, it felt wrong. More wrong than his kisses with Gina because not only did he not want this, he could feel Ashlyn's hesitation and knew she didn't want it either. Ricky tried to push her away but found his arms and legs to be immobile. His eyes widened in fear and his eyes darted around the room in search of something that could help him. His eyes landed on the Squip glitching in and out of existence.

_"I can't stand up or move my arms! Help me!"_ Ricky demanded the Squip but Mr. Mazarra only laughed and leaned back where he stood.

_"You're welcome."_ Ricky began fighting the hold of the Squip but it was no use because he couldn't move and he couldn't talk and it was all becoming too much. While Ashlyn couldn't hear his inner turmoil or feel his resistance, she could see could his facial expression and she stopped what she was doing.

"Are you okay?" She asked him, and for the first time, he heard softness and concern in her voice. Ricky, who was now fully in control as the Squip had once again disappeared, only nodded his head in response. Ashlyn bit her lip and moved off of Ricky, her eyes making it clear that she understood the situation much better now.

"Why would I do that? I am such an awful friend how could I force you to cheat on her?" Ashlyn mumbled to herself but Ricky heard it all. He didn't know what to say back, so he just moved closer to her to show he was listening if she wanted to talk about it. "When I was in middle school, Gina was already popular. Even the first year she transferred to our school everyone knew who she was and nobody walked all over her. I wanted that, so I became a complete bitch to move her and everyone else out of my way. To make sure everyone knew me as much as they knew her. I always thought I was a good person but now-"

"Ashlyn, you are a good person-"

"Ricky what the fuck are you and Ashlyn doing in my parents' room?!" E.J. Ricky's head snapped up to see both E.J and Gina standing in the doorway. E.J's face was red with anger and Gina had tears streaming down her cheeks at the sight of him and Ashlyn on the bed together. _Close_ together. Ricky and Ashlyn's eyes widened and they tried to defend their situation but neither Gina nor E.J was having it. E.J ran into the room and tried to attack Ricky, but Ricky was faster in leaving and running downstairs and into the nearest room.

Ricky opened and closed the door of what he now knew was the bathroom. He began breathing very heavily and slumped against the door as he tried to catch his breath. He wasn't sure exactly what just happened - the events occurred very quickly and he was still drunk enough to have the Squip shut down. All he knew is that the situation was bad and he was going to have to apologize to Ashlyn, E.J, and Gina on Monday. Ricky was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the figure emerging from the bathtub and approaching him cautiously.

Until something grabbed his arm.

"Oh, my god-Red?" Ricky screamed but cut himself off when he saw the person behind the scare. Big Red - the person he hadn't physically seen or talked to in over two months. He looked about the same: his flaming ginger hair was styled lazily and his nerdy apparel was ever apparent on his lanky frame. But Ricky noticed that his friend looked paler and exhausted, which would have scared him two months ago. Now, he was just wondering what the hell Red was doing at E.J's.

"Hey," Red said quietly but resentment was clear in his voice. It made Ricky flinch but he brushed it off.

"I didn't know you were invited to this party," Ricky said flatly.

"I wasn't. But we used to sneak into parties all the time so I figured this one wouldn’t be any different." Ricky nodded and smiled a tad, realizing at that moment how much he missed Red naïve and sarcastic banter. At the thought, he let out a small laugh. Red's smirk faltered and Ricky went to correct the situation.

"It's just really good to see you, man."

"Well sorry to ruin it, but I have to tell you what I found out."

"About…?" Big Red tapped his head and Ricky understood.

"How could you find out anything about it? I thought it was top secret. Ya know, 'can't even find it on the internet" type of thing?' Ricky questioned, very curious as to where Big Red was taking this lecture.

"Yeah I know right? But like, what's not on the internet? Sketchy stuff. I wanted to prove that so I asked a guy on Fortnite about it. He said his brother bought one and after like three months, he went totally insane."

"I don't understand-"

"Dude think about it! This is an insanely power computer. Do you really think it's meant to get you a girlfriend? Or to make Seb Matthew-Smith not invisible? How did it end up here? At a random high school? In _Utah._ C'mon man-"

"I see what's going on. You're mad that I have one and you don't!"

"Are you kidding me? Look I don't care about what happened with your online friend's brother or whatever but just because his Squip made him crazy-"

"His Squip didn't make him crazy." Ricky paused.

"Oh. Well, there you go then-"

"He went crazy trying to get it out."

"Then I have nothing to worry about because I would never want it out." Ricky tried to leave the bathroom but Big Red blocked the exit.

"Dude aren't you sick of living this lie?! This isn't you and we both know it!"

"Move," Ricky said, tone growing more agitated with each passing second he was trapped in his bathroom.

"Or you'll what?"

"Get out of my way, loser." The look that appeared on his ex-best friend's face was one that Ricky would never forget. He would come to regret not comforting Red as his eyes widened, his body began to shake, and his arm dropped from in front of the door. Instead, Ricky just opened the door and slammed it shut, leaving Big Red alone.

When he rejoined the party, the first person Ricky saw was Nini back in the living room where the rest of the group used to be. Remembering E.J's words and assuming he still had the older boy's blessing, he walked over to her and decided to finally make his move.

"Yo Nini!" Ricky finally greeted confidently, making Nini giggle and smile his way. He sat down next to her on the couch and casually looked around the room. The party was still going strong, despite all the popular kids being nowhere in sight. Well, almost all of them.

"Do you have any mountain dew red?" Ricky and Nini watched as Seb frantically ran around the living room and kitchen, asking about some drink that Ricky knew was discontinued because he remembered Big Red complaining about it at some point.

_No thinking about him - focus on Nini_. Even without the Squip active, Ricky was learning and self-correcting, just as the Squip predicted he would from the start.

"So…enjoying the party?"

"Yeah! This is my first real one so it's very exciting." Nini smirked and Ricky's heart soared. "I like your costume." She said, pointing to the sweater that Ricky forgot about. He laughed at the irony and chose his next words very carefully.

"You mind telling me who I am?" Ricky smiled and laughed at Nini's surprised reaction.

"You don't know who you are?"

"No idea, someone else picked this out for me because I am very much out of the musical theatre loop."

"Okay, well you are Mark from Rent." Nini teased as she played with the scarf around his neck.

_Wonder if that was another pre-conceived 'possible favorable future' it came up with_. Ricky thought to himself but laughed out loud in response to Nini. _Show her you're listening but don't look too desperate. Don't look like you looked two months ago._

"I like your costume too. I don’t know a lot about theatre but anyone who goes to East High knows who you are." Both of them laughed together and Nini tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Thanks, ah, E.J and I decided that we should stick with the costumes anyway. We thought it would be fun and I really wanted to wear this dress." Ricky nodded.

"So…"

"So…" Both of them said together, causing another round of laughter between them. Ricky looked at her and he couldn't believe how far he'd come. Two months ago he would have never had the courage to even be this close to Nini, let alone be this close and having a decent conversation with her. Hell, he would have never thought he would be asking her out, but here he was. A new, much better him. A Ricky Bowen that Nini Salazar-Roberts could kind of be into.

"Nini I wanted to ask…um…I wanted to know if…"

"Say what's on your mind, Ricky."

"Nini…will you go out with me?" That wasn't the way Ricky really wanted to make his move but it was too late now. He stared at Nini trying to gauge her reaction, but he hoped he was gauging it wrong because all he was getting was guilt and sadness.

"Ricky…I can't."

"Oh-"

"I mean I literally just broke up with E.J. Like three hours ago! I just…I need some time to figure myself out first before I start dating again." She stood up, fixed her dress, and began walking away. She only turned around for a second, said "I'm sorry, Ricky", and she was gone.

Ricky didn't have time to think over the situation in pity for himself as the Squip reappeared only moments later.

_"Good evening Mr. Bowen."_

_"About time you showed up!"_

_"My absence was not ideal but necessary. Give me a moment to recount the events from the last few hours."_ Ricky watched the Squip close it's 'eyes' and flicker in and out as it went through Ricky's memories. When it was done, it looked at Ricky with a hard gaze.

_"I know it's bad-"_

_"We need to get you out of here, now!"_


	11. The Smartphone Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> E.J Caswell throws a party that the students of East High will never forget

Everyone remembered different parts of E.J Caswell's Halloween party.

E.J and Ashlyn only cared about the last few minutes of peace before everything went wrong.

They were both in E.J's parents' bedroom after Ricky and Gina had fled the scene. The only Caswell was pacing around the room muttering to himself while the younger sat quietly on the bed. Neither of them knew what to say, but they knew they had to speak at some point.

"E.J-"

"What happened to you?" E.J muttered, nothing but disgust and sadness in his voice. What Ashlyn didn't know was that the sadness was for her and the disgust was aimed at himself.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Ash. What the hell happened to you? Because the Ashlyn I know would never be the one her best friend's boyfriend cheated with. The Ashlyn I know would never treat people like they are meaningless. Or maybe I should be saying the Ashlyn I knew-"

"You shouldn’t because you didn't know the old Ashlyn."

"What are you-"

"Nobody knew the old Ashlyn, E.J! I was a nobody because all anyone could talk about was you! For my entire life, I was only E.J Caswell's loser cousin, until I fixed myself! Now, everyone knows who I am, what's so wrong about that?"

"What’s wrong with that is that the old you was awesome! I love how you were in every club imaginable and how you wore thrift store clothing and wrote your own songs! I always thought people were stupid to only see you as someone related to me." Ashlyn was at a loss for words and E.J was on the brink of tears, something that only happens in the presence of Ashlyn.

"You really thought that?" Ashlyn questioned.

"Obviously."

"I'm sorry E.J I just…I just thought that if I could be like you then maybe-"

"Ash, I'm the worst person to be like! I'm miserable and alone - there hasn't been another person in this house since the summer. And I'm so tired of pretending that I'm not! Aren’t you?" E.J asked, desperate for his cousin to see what he was trying to say. Ashlyn smiled,

"Exhausted." Both Caswell cousins laughed, hugging each other in the middle of the room for the first time since middle school and never wanting to let go again.

Until they had to.

E.J fought tooth and nail to get Ashlyn out of the house that night - resulting in the Caswell cousins on the grass outside of the parents' window: E.J on the ground and Ashlyn on top of him.

E.J remembered not being able to feel his either of his legs after they broke his cousin's fall. He remembered Ashlyn's cries of fear and her desperate pleas for an ambulance. He remembers being so grateful that he was there to save his cousin that night, and he vowed to always be there to protect her.

Ashlyn vowed to never underestimate her cousin again.

-

Gina only remembered the picture of Ashlyn and Ricky on the bed together.

It's not like she didn't know - anyone with eyes could see that Ricky wasn't really into her. He was distant and rude and clearly didn't care about her feelings. But she thought that if she tried hard enough, Ricky could learn to like her. Because that's what Gina always did.

She _tried._

She _tried_ to deal with the constant moving her and her mother did every year for what felt like her entire life.

She _tried_ to make friends when she permanently transferred to Salt Lake City her eighth-grade year, even if no one really wanted to.

She _tried_ to make Ashlyn like her, even if it meant taking every abusive and hurtful comment thrown her way.

She _tried_ to make Ricky Bowen like her when it was so obvious he wanted someone else.

But like always, she put on a brave face and dealt with the situation. She walked through the mob of people crowding E.J Caswell's house and tried to find the exit with every ounce of her strength. When she did, she slowly drove home, despite her compromised state, and cried in her bed until she fell asleep.

-

Kourtney only remembered the highlights because that's all her memory had room for.

When Kourtney arrived at the party that night she only had one goal: get the dirt, write it down, spread it tomorrow. It was hard for Kourtney to make real friends because most only saw her as someone to use when it was convenient. Kourtney discovered that flaw about herself in middle school and that's when she decided to give the people what they wanted.

Kourtney crowned herself the gossip and trend-setter of East High because that is how she got people to like her. She was there went they wanted the scoop on drama or the latest make-up tips for prom and then boom, she had friends, even if it was just for a moment.

Kourtney spent the night circling the house looking for the hottest stories she would share while doing Ashlyn and Gina's makeup the next night.

Seb got high before arriving

E.J and Nini broke up

Two nobodies crashed the party

And of course…no she couldn't wait for that.

Because if someone spread that story before she did then what was even the point? Who was she to people if she wasn't spreading gossip, especially the biggest story East High would ever hear? Forget waiting for make-up night, she couldn’t risk waiting even another second because everything she worked so hard towards was on the line.

_"O-M-G Ashlyn answer me! Look wait until I tell you what I heard…"_

-

Red remembers his heartbreaking talk with Ricky in the bathroom.

Red snuck into the party, despite the risk of getting caught by the cool kids, to save his best friend from himself and the monster in his head. He thought that maybe, just maybe, if he could get Ricky alone, he could convince him to give up the pill and find a cure with him. That maybe, he would get his best friend back.

But no, in the life of a loser like him, there was no such thing as a maybe that ended in happily ever after.

Big Red spent the rest of the night in E.J Caswell's bathroom, remembering the person he had lost for good. He recounted their endless nightly video gaming sessions when they were supposed to be doing homework. He thought about the hours upon hours he spent listening to Ricky about Nini, wishing that he could make his best friend as happy as Ricky thought Nini would make him. He remembered their unbreakable bond; how they would always be there for each other, no matter what anyone else thought of them.

Big Red Redonevich had never had a panic attack before that Halloween night, and he never wanted to have another one again.

He remembered crying his eyes out before the tears ran dry and his throat was sore from the sobs. Kids were banging on the door, demanding he vacate the bathroom but he could barely hear them over his heavy breathing and the voices in his head screaming _loser; loner; nerd; not enough; why were you even born?; Oh look, here's your chance to end it all now; smell the smoke; breathe it in; you can't survive this heat and you don't want to…_

Big Red ran out of E.J Caswell's house that night broken beyond repair and desperate to put himself back together again, even with the piece of himself Ricky left with.

-

Seb remembered everything about his "best-friend's" Halloween party.

Seb remembered his Squip telling him he had to go, despite his exhaustion and feeling of absolute dread.

Seb remembered begging the Squip to let him go as Evan Hansen instead of Danny Zuko. He remembered each and every shock he received in response and the Squip's threats stating what would happen to him if his popularity decreased by even a fraction.

Seb remembered arriving at the party and listening to E.J talk about his breakup with Nini and feeling so sad because if he and E.J were really best friends than E.J would know about his relationship struggles or lack-there-of. If he and E.J were really best friends he would know about the quiet but bossy choreographer whom Seb hadn't stopped thinking about for over a year. Because he and E.J weren't friends - they were just the two most popular guys in school fooling everyone around them except themselves.

Seb remembered sitting in his circle of "friends" while they made out with their significant others and talked about whatever it is popular kids talk about. He remembered drinking three beers - the perfect amount to guarantee his Squip's absence for a little while. He remembered seeing Carlos Rodriguez out of the corner of his eye and his heart immediately stopping. The boy was wearing a flannel, vest, and khakis much like himself, making Seb smile when he realized the dancer was dressed as a Newsie. That's when he left the circle and his entire life changed.

He remembered approaching Carlos slowly and cautiously - the Squip would be back soon and would probably kill him if talking to his crush-that-he-wasn't-supposed-to-have ruined his reputation. He remembered Carlos striking, deep eyes locking with his own when he was so close they were shoulder to shoulder.

He remembered talking to Carlos about nothing and everything for what he wished was hours and hours. He remembered telling the choreographer about his secret love of theatre and his dream role of Evan Hansen and how he gave all that up to stop being the invisible nobody he was as a freshman. How he felt something in his life is missing and how desperate he was to figure it out. He remembered telling Carlos about the Squip and everything it had done to him and how even at that moment, he still felt like something was missing but he just didn't know what. He remembers Carlos understanding nods and looks of concern instead of pity or confusion.

He remembered Carlos saying the sentence that would set in stone the course of events that would follow:

"You weren't invisible Seb: I saw you. I saw you for the talented, kind, sassy boy you were and I wanted to talk to you every day but I didn't think someone like you would ever like someone like me."

He remembered feeling like a complete fool. He got the Squip because he thought he was invisible, but then Carlos was telling him he remembers him attending East High freshman year and suddenly Seb didn't feel invisible anymore. Seb looked at Carlos and he thought he finally found his missing piece.

He remembers leaning in and kissing Carlos Rodriguez for the first time. He remembers the fireworks exploding in his stomach and his first genuine smile in months forming on his lips. He remembers the way Carlos froze in fear but melted into the kiss after only a moment, neither of them wanting to waste another second. He remembers pulling away and looking into Carlos' eyes and never wanting to look away because that close, they were absolutely mesmerizing. He remembers Carlos' soft smile and the way his hands snaked around his neck. He remembers Carlos pulling him in close and promising that he was _okay._ He remembers feeling safe for the first time in a very long time.

He remembered receiving the most painful shock of his life when the Squip finally returned. He remembered the Squip screaming inside his head about how _wrong_ he was and how much of a _loser_ Carlos was and Seb felt like crying.

He remembered running around the house asking, begging, for someone to give him mountain dew red. He remembered Carlos looking at him like he was insane as he screamed out loud at the voice inside his head and he wanted to explain everything but he _couldn't_ because the Squip wouldn’t _shut up._

He remembered grabbing the gasoline from the garage - the tub he and E.J would use to start bonfires when the world felt like it was against them. He remembered bringing it into the house and dumping it wherever there was free space. He remembered the Squip's taunting threats: how he would never be able to get rid of it and how the Squip would always be there for the rest of his life.

Seb remembered lighting the match and starting the fire. He remembered wishing with everything he had that the fire would kill him and the computer inside his head.

Seb vaguely remembers someone screaming his name and touching him. He remembers how painful the contact was when hands met the already scarred skin on his hips and chest. He remembers being lifted and carried out of the burning building while whispers comforted him _I'm here; everything is going to be okay; you are okay Seb stay with me;_

The last thing he remembers is being lowered on the ground and the cries of Carlos Rodriguez before his world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was by far my favorite chapter to write - especially the seblos part because I have been looking forward to that since I decided this was going to be a Rini Au so I really really really hope you all enjoy this little look into Halloween from the perspective of everyone else.


	12. The Pants and The Pitiful Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big Red and Ricky are each given missions, but which one will be successful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was such a long time coming! I was working on another project on twitter but I am back and hoping to finish this within the next couple days!

The next few days were a blur for Big Red

Ever since the Halloween party, he hadn't been back at school. Quite frankly, he wasn't sure he'd left the basement since then. But every day he tried to find the strength to because everything in his bedroom reminded him of Ricky. He was reminded of the betrayal quite often nowadays, especially when his mind would wander and he would catch glimpses of their friendship from where he lay motionless on his bed. And that was precisely what he was doing now. The tv and gaming controls were the first thing he saw. He sighed in content as memories of his and Ricky's all-night gaming sessions ran through his mind. They would scream at the top of their lungs until 3am and would use the highly caffeinated sodas Big Red got from Spencer's to keep them awake. They would laugh until their heads hurt, turn off the tv, and then just talk until the sun came up.

_Now he won't even look at me._

Next, his eyes landed on the backpack across the room, the black sharpie spelling out "Riends" still very present and very visible. Red didn’t have the chance to get a new one but every day he wishes he would because all that word reminded him of was, like the word being split in half, their friendship being split in half and how that day would be the last good memory the two of them would ever share. A tear slipped out of his eyes at the thought but he attempted to blink them away and he kept looking around.

The old photograph on his bedside table was the last thing he saw. His mom had put it there some time ago and maybe it was weird but Red could never bring himself to move it, even now. The photograph was taken after their first day of school as Kindergarteners, the first day they met. Their parents had been so excited they met friends they immediately took pictures. Ricky and Big Red always made fun of that picture, especially after a couple liters of soda had entered their systems, but now all Red could do was stare at it and feel the anger rise up in this stomach. The fire-hot rage he felt as the memory of the bathroom flew into his mind that no amount of caffeine or crying could get rid of, at least for a couple hours.

He needed something to distract himself.

With teary eyes and a hazy mind, somehow Big Red knew exactly what he needed to do. He reached into his top drawer and pulled out a small lighter, the one his father had gotten him for his birthday a few years back when Red was trying to find his "thing". They both agreed later that particular gift wasn't his "thing" but now he couldn't be more grateful to have it.

He grabbed a bunch of things: the photograph, a t-shirt Ricky had left behind, and many other small mementos and quickly made his way to the backyard where he could dispose of them probably. Because he was _done_ being sad.

The smell of smoke was rough against his lungs and the image brought back even more memories of the dreaded Halloween party he would rather forget but he soldiered on, desperate to take a part of his life back and get over someone who wasn't giving him a second thought. He went for the picture right away, not wanting to get scared but just do something on his own for once and he was just about to throw it in when…

When a voice pulled him out of his trance.

"Red! I need your help with something!" The voice of reason was Mike Bowen, someone he had not heard from since his last day with Ricky. If Red was being honest, seeing Mr. Bowen in his backyard, with nothing but a bathrobe on to cover himself wasn’t what he wanted to see but he wasn’t complaining about Bowen company.

"What is it, Mr. Bowen?" Even though Red knew it was something Ricky related and he would decline, he still wanted to act like he wanted to help.

"It’s about Ricky-"

"Sorry, Mr. Bowen, Ricky and I aren't friends anymore-"

"Do you love him?" _Obviously. Wait what?_ Did Big Red still love Ricky Bowen? They've been best friends for twelve years, was it even possible for Red to _not_ love him? Even if Ricky could not love him because the only person he loves is Nini? But yes, he did love Ricky despite his many faults and his betrayal, which is when he put the photograph down before any damage could come to it.

"yeah…"

"then you have to fight for him."

"But he doesn't want to see me!"

"He does, he just can't admit it. There's no way he doesn't miss you, you're his best friend. Sometimes, even if the person we love hurts us, we have to stay by their side through it all."

"Like you stayed by his side when Mrs. Bowen left? That got Mr. Bowen silent. "Look Mr. Bowen I know it's not my place, or maybe it is at this point, but part of the reason this all happened was because of you. I was a big part of it too but if I try again to be his friend, you have to try too. Put some clothes on, go back to work, and talk to your son about more than things that don’t matter."

"You drive a hard bargain Red."

"Do we have a deal?" Red stuck out his hand in Mr. Bowen's direction, eyeing him to accept the deal so he could go by the needed materials and get to the show. Then finally, with a sigh and a small nod, Mr. Bowen shook his hand.

"Now go get my son back."

-

Although Ricky hadn't been back to school, he'd heard the rumors.

_OMG did you hear? Seb Matthew-Smith burned down E.J Caswell's because Seb tried to get with Ashlyn and E.J beat him up._

_No, he burned down the house because he was drunk and high and he's like, smaller than a freshman._

_No, he burned down the house because some loser was flirting with him and tried to turn him gay and he got mad._

_Maybe he was just insane?_

Ricky heard every single one as they flew across social media and each one made him feel sick. He didn't talk to his Squip for several days after the accident, but now he didn't really have a choice as he walked into school.

_"Is that why you made me leave? Because you knew the house was going to burn down? And you didn’t think to tell me so that I could warn anyone? Or so I could try and stop Seb?!"_

_"Me telling you about the fire would have resulted in you freaking out and either started a panic and lowering your social status because of perceived insanity. Neither of those was possible options."_

_"What so you rather people just die then? So many people got hurt and you just let it all happen."_

_"I am programmed to help you, not your classmates-"_

_"Yeah, and you're doing a great job with that! If you're so great then why am I not with Nini yet?"_

_"I cannot force Nini to love you, just like I couldn't stop Seb from starting the fire or your classmates from getting out in time. As I said, I cannot help your classmates, only you. Unless you wanted me to help your classmates?"_

_"How would you do that?"_ Ricky was to his locker at this point and trying not to look suspicious as he stood silently watching blank air. Then again, people were too busy covering Seb's locker in get-well notes so he could be talking aloud and no one would notice.

 _"If you give each of them a Squip, I would be able to connect you to them, giving me control over them as well. I would be able to help them just as I am helping you."_ Ricky contemplated it for a moment. Ignoring his gut which was telling him to listen to Big Red and stop all of this, he instead listened to the voice in his head telling him this was a great idea. He loved the Squip, wouldn’t his classmates love a Squip as well? Of course, they would. Ricky was about to agree when he looked up and saw Seb's locker, meaning the Squip had moved him while he was deep in thought. " _Open the locker."_

 _"But I don't know his combination- oh"_ Ricky picked up a lady's running shoe box and inside was a pile of Squip's filling to the top of the orange cardboard and radiating a soft glow as Ricky's did all those months ago. _"There has to be enough Squips in here for-"_

_"The entire school? The mountain dew backstage being used in tonight's play is in the bomb shelter. I suggest you go there before your drama teacher or your classmates and fill it with the Squip's before anyone has the chance to stop you-"_

"Hey what's that?" Ricky was snapped out of his inner conversation to find Kourtney standing next to him and looking suspiciously down at the box. Ricky's eyes widened and his mind went static as we waited for the Squip to tell him what to do but to his fear, no instruction came.

"Um, it-its nothing ah Kourtney! How…are you…doing…today?" Kourtney instantly forgot about how strange Ricky was acting.

"Wow. Well, no one has ever asked me that before, it's always me asking that question." Ricky noticed her expression change to one of fierce confidence to one lacking such traits, an expression Ricky had to assume not many people saw.

_"I can't help her unless you give me access, Ricky."_

_"Right, right."_

"Here try this!" Ricky wanted to slap himself at the stupidity. If an almost stranger said "Here try this" to him and held out a jug of water, he probably would have been scared. However Kourtney, for all her fearlessness but deep insecurities, was not scared.

"Okay" was all she said before filling a small paper cup with water accompanied by a pill that Kourtney didn't want to think about to deeply, tipped her head back, and allowed the Squip to enter her body. Her eyes instantly flashed blue and soon enough, her Squip was activated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this, I was almost tempted to make Redky endgame instead whoops


	13. The Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the night of the play, and Ricky learns the true motives of his Squip

When Ricky finally arrived at the school Nini was already on stage welcoming the audience while Kourtney, Gina, Ashlyn, and E.J, still on crutches from the fire, were huddled backstage talking about anything but the play. Carlos was running around Miss Jenn who was in costume, his costume, to be specific, and scaring everyone in their path. Everyone was already in costume and ready to go on stage, while Ricky was in a t-shirt and jeans without his stage makeup on. However, with the Squip commanding him in his ear, he had no shame in approaching Nini despite her obvious stress.

"Yo, Nini!" He shouted as he ran over to her, ignoring the glares from Carlos from across backstage and the confused looks from Miss Jenn. Nini looked up from where she was looking over her script and her eyes immediately went dark with anger.

"Ricky, where have you been!? This is a disaster we're already missing Seb and now Miss Jenn has made herself your understudy."

"Isn't she understudying Seb?"

"No she was but now I think Carlos is understudying Seb and Miss Jenn is understudying you."

"Isn't Carlos playing Lumiere?"

"Yeah, that's what he said too-not the point seriously Ricky where were you?"

"Look, Nini, I've been thinking about what you said at E.J's party-"

"Are you kidding me, Ricky? You don't get to do this right now-"

"No, but Nini I finally get it! You have to find yourself before you can go out with me right?"

"I mean I guess so-"

"Exactly! And that's awesome, definitely awesome…and I can help you, Nini! I wasn't confident in myself a few months ago but now I've never felt more like myself! And that's because I got help!"

"Aw Ricky, I helped you with that?"

"No not you. Well yes, you helped too but that's not what I mean. I mean this." Ricky held out his hand and in his palm, Nini saw a small pill-like object. "It's this pill from japan - it's also a computer…inside the pill. Nini, you have never to worry about who you are or what to do because it tells you! It's just like play rehearsal, except this one never ends."

"Is that a Squip?!" Nini stepped back quickly and looked at Ricky with horrified eyes. The Squip was silent in his head so Ricky continued on his own.

"You've heard of it?"

"Um yeah, a friend of mine from theatre camp got one and he's never been the same since. He actually turned into a jerk-wait Ricky did you take one? Is that where all this popularity came from?"

"Nini-"

"No, you know what? I don’t need some computer to tell me who I am. I can figure that out on my own." Nini took one last glance at Ricky before turning around and walking towards the stage to deliver her next set of lines. Ricky stood stunned, not able to do anything else except stare off into the distance and squeeze his hand shut.

_ "What was that? I thought you said she would want it." _

_ "Now I never said that. Actually, Ricky, I predicted she would resist." _

_ "Then why did you let me say all of those things?!" _

_ "So you would see how necessary my next plan of action is. Not everyone wants change and assistance as much as you. Offering each and every student the option would only delay our plan." _

_ "What? What plan there's no plan! The only thing we were going to do was ask my friends if they wanted one, how much farther does this go? Actually, never mind I don't want to do this anymore." _

_ "I predicted your resistance too, Ricky. So, I have taken the decision out of your hands." _

_ "What do you…" _

"Get ready for scene two everyone! Excellent work Carlos!"

_ Excellent? Carlos is a terrible actor why would she..." _

Ricky turned towards the table where the jug of mountain dew was sitting on a table and saw Miss Jenn sticking a cup underneath. Immediately he ran over and tried to pry the drink out of her hands.

"Ricky!? What are you doing this is my drink!"

"No Miss Jenn you don't understand you can't drink this-"

"Sweetie it's just mountain dew! You should know, Kourtney said you were the one who put the tactics at the bottom. Oh I know, you're just trying to keep it all for yourself. Don’t be alarmed Ricky there is plenty for everyone-"

"Miss Jenn please-" But it was too late. Before Ricky could stop her the drink was being poured down her throat, Ricky's Squip was whispering a combination of directions and letters in his head, and her eyes were turning a vibrant shade of blue.

_ No. "I have to get out there and stop this-"  _ Suddenly Miss Jenn was grabbing him front behind and stunting any movement towards the stage.\

"Miss Jenn-"

"You are so selfish Ricky. You came into my theatre with no real experience and I offered you a spot, even though I could tell participating in the arts was not your motive. And now, you're trying to take away the spotlight from people who want it? Not a chance. My Squip is telling me this night could be my ticket back into the industry and I am not letting you ruin this for me."

_ "What do you think you're doing?"  _

_ "I am syncing their desires to your own. I am now realizing that my operating system can only be complete if all of you are connected."  _ Gina was the next one to get Squipped when she came off stage and got mountain dew for herself. Suddenly, she was standing much more confidently than she was before and her eyes were the same color blue as Miss Jenn's.

_ "What are you going to do? Squip the entire cast?" _

_ "And that's just the beginning" _

_ "You're crazy." _

_ "No Ricky, I am the only sane one here! This is the only way to get everything you ever wanted!" _

_ "You are just a computer! There has to be a way to turn you off." _

_ "I wouldn't even think about that Ricky. Unless you want to end up like Mr. Matthew-Smith?" _

_ "Seb? What did you do to Seb?" _

_ "Sebastian was the one who questioned his Squip. Sebastian was the one who wanted to turn his Squip off to pursue some romantic fling with the choreographer, and unless you want to suffer the same fate I suggest you give in to my plan." _

But Ricky wasn't listening. He was trying to remember anything Seb said the night he lost his mind but he couldn't remember anything. He was too busy worrying about Nini and Gina and Big Red-

His thoughts were cut off by shoes squeaking across the floor next to him and a familiar set of eyes meeting his worried gaze, causing Ricky to smile.

"Big Red makes an entrance!" His best friend was standing next to him with the "riends" bag on his back and a bottle of soda in the pocket.

"Dude you're here!" Ricky screamed from his standing position, realizing the Squip had frozen him in his place when he tried to step forward.

"I was in the audience thinking that this was way too good to be a school play. Did they all take Squips?"

"Not voluntarily, but yeah. But I don't know how to turn them off!"

"You're lucky I'm here then." Big Red smiled wide and reached into his backpack's side pocket, pulling out a liter of red mountain dew.

"Mountain Dew Red? Mountain Dew Red! That's how you turn it off?!"

"Yep! Told you I knew a lot about this thing!"

"That's amazing man give it to me!"

"Okay…wait…no." Ricky's eyebrows shot up in confusion and the frustration was already starting to bubble in his stomach.

"Dude I really need that like right now!"

"And I think I need an apology! Look Ricky I never really ask you for much, most of the time it's you asking for things that I just go along with, but I think I've earned one! You've been ignoring me for months and then you call me a loser when I try to help you and then leave me in a burning house-"

"Okay Red I'm s-"

_ "Vocal Cords: blocked." _

"s-s-so-"

"Dude seriously?" Red looked hurt and took a step back while holding the beverage to his chest."

"C'mon Red this is important!"

"Not everything revolves around you, Ricky!"

"It's just a word and I'll say it after give it to me!"

"If it's just a word then why can't you say it now? You know-"

_ "Kung fu fists: activated." _

_ Huh? _

Without warning Ricky began throwing punches in Big Red's direction, startling his best friend out of his rant and forcing him to fight back.

"This is so typical of you! You could be so naïve to what's going on sometimes and it's really a pain." Ricky roundhouse kicked Red's head but he ducked just in time, throwing his hands over his head in defense.

"I'm naïve? I'm not the one who listened to the cruelest and dumbest blonde in all of Salt Lake City and bought a drug in the back of a shoe store! Just to become popular!"

"Well, aren't you so superior?! Just because you don’t care about being popular doesn't mean the rest of us don't!" Ricky went for a throat punch but somehow Red deflected it.

"I don't not care! It would be nice to have other friends but you were all I ever needed!"

"Well, I just wanted to stop being a loser Red! I never wanted to lose you!"

"Then why are you hitting me?!"

"Because the Squip is making me! I don't want to be hitting you and I never wanted any of this! I'm sorry!"

Ricky fell to the floor in a spasm and Big Red rushed to his side, trying to force the red liquid down his best friend's throat. E.J was the one to walk in on the scene, the sound of crutches freeing Red from his panic attempts at force-feeding Ricky the mountain dew.

"E.J dude you have to hold Ricky down like now!"

"I'm literally barely walking!" But even so, E.J was limping over to the two boys, despite his confused glances.

"Doesn’t matter just hold him down while I give him this-"

_ "up-up-down-down-left-right-A."  _ Ricky couldn’t even choke out a warning about the sync code before E.J was snatching the bottle and pouring the mountain dew on the floor.

"E.J-"

"And I thought I was perfect before?! I am even more perfect now!" E.J cheered as he threw the crutches down and began to walk back onto the stage.

"Oh god-"

"Ricky!" Gina and Ashlyn ran off stage and towards Ricky, eyes glowing the same scary shade of electric blue.

"Just so you know Ricky, I am not mad that you cheated on me, even if that really sucked. I knew you didn't like me and truth be told I'm not sure how much I liked you. I guess it was just nice to finally get the attention, but I forgive you."

"Gina you shouldn't forgive me-" Ricky and Red were backing up towards the stage now, the mountain dew so far from their grasp and with only a few drops remaining.

"I forgive you too Ricky! I shouldn't have forced you to kiss me because I actually hated it. I was just questioning a lot of things and I took it out on you, and I'm sorry."

"Questioning what-"

"Ricky we have to get to the bottle."

"You go left? I go right?" Ricky asked, giving his best friend a knowing look. Red's eyes went brighter, brighter than any Squip could ever make them and he smiled.

"Just like in Fortnite."

Both boys jumped into action as they weaved their way through the group of Squipped teenagers. Ricky was the one to get stopped while Big Red grabbed the mountain dew and clutched it to his chest like his life depended on it, because it just may have.

Kourtney and Carlos were the ones to emerge next, their eyes bright, and their movements robotic. Kourtney looked happier - a stark contrast to when Ricky saw her in the hallway that afternoon and if the situation was different Ricky would have been happy for her. Carlos, on the other hand, looked smaller and sad, not a sight he was used to seeing from their overconfident choreographer. Clearly, he didn't like what the Squip was telling him but like Ricky, he didn't have much of a choice in his actions.

"I'm not letting you stop this! I'm finally not being ignored and people are paying attention to me for me, not just because I have the gossip! Give me that bottle!" Big Red looked all around as the Squipped students approached him from all sides, blocking the audience and Ricky from the majority of his view until he found an opening. He didn't hesitate with his next move.

"Ricky, catch!" Red threw the bottle through the opening and Ricky ran forward to catch it, confused but not complaining when the Squip didn't stop him.

"You don't want to drink that Ricky." The Squip was calm with his words and Ricky couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"I really think I do though." Ricky unscrewed the cap and tilted his head back to accept the liquid until the Squip stopped him.

"If you drink that Richard Bowen, then you will never get to be, with her." Ricky paused and lowered the bottle, meeting the Squip's eye for the first time since he was betrayed. The Squip eyes wandered to a place behind Ricky and it raised its arm, pointing to something behind him.

Or to  _ someone.  _

Ricky hesitantly turned away from the Squip to find Nini standing center stage, right where she belonged. But something was wrong, Ricky could instantly tell from how straight she was standing, the striking color of new eyes and the frightening motives behind her smile.

"Nini?" Ricky breathed out in disbelief, hoping to anyone listening that she didn't take the pill but knowing deep down that a Squip had taken over all her senses.

"Hey, Ricky." She smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and if Ricky was as clueless as he had been, he might have believed everything was okay. "Did you see the audience, Ricky? They all loved me. Even as this stupid part they loved me. You were right about how this feels, Ricky, and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you before. It's amazing! I never have to think about anything ever again. No more wishing for play rehearsal because now I can live it every day, and I can do it better because my Squip says that I could be the lead in any show I want if I just-"

"That's not Nini," Ricky said bluntly, cutting off Nini's apology and turned back to the Squip, who was looking less and less like the human Benjamin Mazzara and more like the computer it truly was.

_ "Of course it's Nini. Just now, all her insecurities and flaws have been removed, leaving you a perfect version."  _ The Squip smirked and stepped towards Ricky, reaching for the bottle in the hopes that the junior had finally turned to its side.

"I just feel so…free. Free enough to say this, Ricky, I…I love you." Ricky was stunned into silence. For years he'd waited for the day when he got to hear Nini say those words. But now, now the words just felt  _ wrong.  _

_ "That's your cue, Mr. Bowen."  _ Ricky looked between the Squip and Nini, and then down to the bottle in his hands, knowing what he had to do.

"She'll do whatever I want?"

_ "She's all yours."  _ Ricky looked to the Squip one last time before stepping towards Nini and sneakily unscrewing the cap of the mountain dew.

"Great." He took the final step and then was face to face with Nini Salazar-Roberts: his long-time crush and the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. They stared into each other's eyes as Ricky began to lean down and before reaching her lips, he raised the bottle between them and whispered, "Drink this." And, as the Squip said she would, she tilted her head back and drank the Mountain Dew Red.

_ "What?"  _

Before anyone could say or do anything, a scream escaped Nini's lips and she fell to the floor. She spasmed as Ricky did when he first got his Squip in the mall food court, and the rest of the cast was quick to follow. The screams of the students could be heard from the back of the auditorium and the pleas of the Squip were loud in Ricky's head but he blocked it out. The last thing he heard before his vision went black and the room went silent was someone calling his name.

"Ricky…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually very anxious to finish this, I don't think writing Rini is my thing. I've definitely enjoyed writing Be More Chill but I miss writing Seblos and I think that's obvious because Seblos did not need to be a part of this story at all (but they will be a little in the next chapters shhh). If you like Seblos please lookout because I've got stuff coming :)
> 
> Also I've decided to write two separate endings for this story because a.) one of them will be superior in my mind but if I just write that one this whole thing would have been clickbait and b.) the second one is how I always thought be more chill should have ended and now I'm making my wish come true so those will be out at the same time within the next couple days.
> 
> Until then :) xx


	14. Voices In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad helps Ricky ask out Nini, and everyone finds what they were looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE FIRST OF TWO ENDINGS. THIS IS THE RINI ENDING, AKA THE CANON ENDING OF THE MUSICAL! ENJOY!

When Ricky woke up, he couldn't be sure how much time had passed. His eyes opened slowly to then be blinded by a light coming into the space he was in, forcing him to quickly shut them. He couldn't sense much, his head hurt so bad he could barely keep his eyes open for a second. All he could tell is that he was no longer in the auditorium at East High but in a hospital room.  
  
When his eyes and mind adjusted to his new surroundings, he began scanning the room for any indication of how he got there or how long it had been since the play. The sun coming in through the window let him believe there were at least a few hours difference between the play and the current moment but he had to know for sure.  
  
Looking around the room his eyes immediately landed on the bed next to him. There was only a half-drawn curtain separating him and the other person but Ricky could make out a few details. The person had medium-length blonde hair, a small teddy-bear next to him, and was head to toe in bandages. He could also spot a much darker head of hair behind the bandages, lying down on the bed. He couldn't see the faces of either person, so he figured they were not how he got there.  
  
Before he could think any further about whether or not everything that had transpired was just a dream or not, about whether he was hospitalized that day in the food court or whether or not the Squip had been real, the bandaged figure next to him began to stir and eventually spoke.  
  
"Doesn’t it feel like you're missing a part of yourself?" The voice was quiet and raspy but he'd recognize it anywhere.  
  
"…Seb?" Ricky looked back over to the bed and saw Seb Matthew-Smith staring straight at him, leaning on his elbow very uncomfortably. The boys' eyes met and for the first time, Ricky didn’t see hatred.  
  
"Hurt's a lot too, huh? Be honest, what are they saying about me at school?" Ricky was taken back at the shear, vulnerability that was laced into Seb's voice. Even as the two got closer, he'd never once saw Seb act anything but confident. Now he assumed that’s all it was: an act. Seb took his silence as a negative answer to his question. "Funny thing is that I don't even care. I'm finally free from my own mind! I can finally be the real me without having to worry about getting shocked or yelled at into the early hours of the morning. When I finally get out of here, the ladies are gonna love the new Seb Matthew-Smith…" That's when Ricky saw Seb smile the most genuine smile he'd ever seen from the sophomore as the blonde looked down at the mop of dark hair lying still next to him. "…and the guys. I'm totally bi." Seb whispered as he ran a hand through the other person's hair and he leaned back onto the pillow under his head. The movement caused the other person to stir in their sleep, and when they sat up as Seb had moments ago, Ricky saw Carlos Rodriguez. His hair was flat and messy as opposed to his usual gelled-up style, and there were dark bags under his eyes. Carlos whispered a quiet "hi honey" as the boys smiled at each other, and Ricky couldn't help but smile too.  
  
Until Seb's words caught up to him.  
  
"Wait, you're Squip's gone? How?"  
  
"Ask your friend, the ginger? Red…something um he's been in here a lot, he'll explain. Are you guys together? No judgment totally bi now." Seb rambled as he took Carlos' hand in his own, and as if on cue, Big Red entered the room.  
  
"Not quite, but it was a good effort Seb." Red quipped without looking up. Ricky could tell by the frizz in his hair and how hard he was squeezing the device in his hands that Big Red was still on edge, and he hoped to fix that.  
  
"Hey, dude," Ricky said softly, causing Big Red to look up for the first time since he walked in the room. He gave Ricky a small smile, nothing like the ones he was used to seeing. "What happened? I remember the Squip trying to take over the school and then-"  
  
"Dude it was insane! The Squip's took over all your minds and people were acting really good and E.J could walk but then the girls tried to kill us and then you and Nini were talking and-" When Red looked up he saw Ricky holding his head and showing obvious signs of discomfort, so he trailed off and quieted his voice. "Sorry" he mumbled. "Turns out you only have to kill one when they're connected and the rest will kinda just…poof."  
  
"No, it's fine ah okay? So it's over then."  
  
"I guess so."  
  
"Why did you come to help me Red? I was the worst friend to you."  
  
"Because you're my best friend man, despite the fact you were being very harsh. But I can't take all the credit, your dad was very pushy."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Ricky, are you okay?!"  
  
"Um, yeah I think I'm fine-"  
  
"Great, because you're grounded. Forever." But Ricky didn't care.  
  
"Dad…are you wearing pants?"  
  
"That's right. I'm your father and I need to start acting like it. I'm going back to work, I'm going to start wearing clothes, and I'm even thinking about finding a date."  
  
"That's great dad."  
  
"But tell me Rick, who is this Nini girl and why did I have to hear about her from Red?" Ricky's face immediately mirrored his best friend's name as the blood rushed directly to his cheeks. But then he remembered yesterday's events and his mood sunk.  
  
"Doesn't matter. After everything I did, she's never going to want to go out with me."  
  
"Told you, Mr. Bowen, he knows nothing about girls."  
  
"Son, buy her some flowers as an apology. A gift like that shows a girl you care!"  
  
"No, compliment her performance from the other night, the part before she got Squipped. Talk about something she's interested in and work an apology in that way."  
  
"Nah write her a song! No one can resist music, it's very romantic!" Seb chimed in, for reasons Ricky will never understand, and winked at Carlos causing the boy to blush and look down. His father immediately closed the curtain, not that he thought Seb and Carlos minded.   
  
-  
  
Ricky has happy to be going back to school the next day. Of course, he had homework to catch up on and people to apologize to, but today he was going to make the best of just being himself again.  
  
"Ricky!" Ricky heard the familiar voice of Ashlyn Caswell calling his name, followed by his friends, or rather, probably ex-friends.  
  
"Hey you guys, about what happened the other night-"  
  
"We've been looking for you, Ricky! We all wanted to wish you luck on asking out Nini!"  
  
"How did you-"  
  
"It's weird, but ever since we all did the drugs you brought at the play, I've felt very connected to you all," Kourtney exclaimed.  
  
"So you guys are just…fine-"  
  
"So here’s some advice dude: make her feel seen, and always put her first. That way she knows you really care." Gina gave him a knowing look as she spoke and while Ricky felt guilty, he knew Gina didn't hold anything against him.  
  
"Always encourage her to be herself!" Ashlyn added, smiling down at her ripped jean jacket and clunky boots that he'd never seen her wear.  
  
"Don't cheat on her with two other girls!" E.J yelled, causing both Ashlyn and Gina to laugh and jokingly punch his arm. Ricky once again felt the guilt wash over him, and he knew he'd have to apologize to Gina later.  
  
"Make her feel part of the group!" Kourtney said, looking happily around the circle.  
  
"Never criticize her flaws!" Ricky heard someone call out, and turned around to match Carlos to the voice as he walked down the hallway with Seb's arm around his shoulder. No one but the two boys knew that they each squeezed each other tighter after the advice was given.  
  
-  
  
It was at lunch that Ricky saw her for the first time all day. She was entering the cafeteria, looking lost, and Ricky instantly jumped from his place in line and ran to her, desperate to talk to her right away.  
  
"Yo Nini!" Ricky called out, forcing Nini to turn around and give Ricky the tiniest smile. "So-"  
  
"I still remember how it felt," Nini stated bluntly, making Ricky take a step back in shock.  
  
"What?" Nini rolled her eyes but explained.  
  
"It was just like you said, Ricky. I didn't have to think about what to say or how to act. It told me how to do everything. Who did yours look like?"  
  
"Mr. Mazzara…you?" Nini let out a loud laugh but covered it as the real stem teacher passed them, giving the pair a strange look.  
  
"Vanessa Hudgens. It’s embarrassing-"  
  
"More embarrassing than mine?"  
  
"-to find out, deep down I just wanted everything to be easier."  
  
"Oh, yeah. But, who wants things to be hard? Look, Nini, I crashed your play, I ruined your big night, I forced you to take a drug-"  
  
"Just, please say something real, Ricky." This was his big moment, Ricky could feel it. Nini's eyes were wide and inviting him to re-ask the question from Halloween night, and he was not screwing it up again. He took a deep breath, summoned all his courage, and popped the question.  
  
"Do you want to go out with me? Maybe lunch…just the two of us?" Nini smiled wide.  
  
"That sounds perfect."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah." Nini giggled and Ricky joined in and then did something he's wanted to do for so many years. He leaned down to meet Nini's height, put his hands on either side of her head, and crashed their lips together. He couldn't hear the cheers behind them as he was only focused on Nini's arms around his waist, pulling him in closer and the kiss got deeper.  
  
When he pulled apart Ricky's friends ran over and engulfed the two into a group hug. Despite that, Ricky and Nini never get-go of each other's hand.  
  
The gang returned to lunch and as Ricky looked around he could sense all the good things the Squip ended up doing: Ashlyn and E.J were joking around and laughing with each other for the first time since they entered high school, Kourtney was in a deep conversation with Gina, but this time Kourtney was talking about herself and Gina was listening intently, Seb and Carlos were five minutes into a makeout session, one that he assumed was long overdue for the both of them (Seb especially), and he, Nini, and Ricky were talking about times before supercomputers and the desperation for popularity. Every once in awhile Ricky could hear a faint voice calling out to him in his head, criticizing his actions or begging him for freedom, but he would only ignore it. Because of the voices in his head, the loudest one was his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don't read the second ending then THIS IS WHERE WE PART!
> 
> thank you, if you have, for following this story! This has been a rough one for me but I appreciate anyone who's stuck by me during this and I hope you enjoyed :)


	15. Voice In My Head (Alternative Ending)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad helps Ricky ask out Nini, but Ricky realizes that he's had all he's needed all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how I always thought Be More Chill should have ended! The beginning part is the same, where the asterisk* is is where the story changes, so if you read the first ending you can skip to there! Enjoy!

When Ricky woke up, he couldn't be sure how much time had passed. His eyes opened slowly to then be blinded by a light coming into the space he was in, forcing him to quickly shut them. He couldn't sense much, his head hurt so bad he could barely keep his eyes open for a second. All he could tell is that he was no longer in the auditorium at East High but in a hospital room.

When his eyes and mind adjusted to his new surroundings, he began scanning the room for any indication of how he got there or how long it had been since the play. The sun coming in through the window let him believe there were at least a few hours difference between the play and the current moment but he had to know for sure.

Looking around the room his eyes immediately landed on the bed next to him. There was only a half-drawn curtain separating him and the other person but Ricky could make out a few details. The person had medium-length blonde hair, a small teddy-bear next to him, and was head to toe in bandages. He could also spot a much darker head of hair behind the bandages, lying down on the bed. He couldn't see the faces of either person, so he figured they were not how he got there.

Before he could think any further about whether or not everything that had transpired was just a dream or not, about whether he was hospitalized that day in the food court or whether or not the Squip had been real, the bandaged figure next to him began to stir and eventually spoke.

"Doesn’t it feel like you're missing a part of yourself?" The voice was quiet and raspy but he'd recognize it anywhere.

"…Seb?" Ricky looked back over to the bed and saw Seb Matthew-Smith staring straight at him, leaning on his elbow very uncomfortably. The boys' eyes met and for the first time, Ricky didn’t see hatred.

"Hurt's a lot too, huh? Be honest, what are they saying about me at school?" Ricky was taken back at the shear, vulnerability that was laced into Seb's voice. Even as the two got closer, he'd never once saw Seb act anything but confident. Now he assumed that’s all it was: an act. Seb took his silence as a negative answer to his question. "Funny thing is that I don't even care. I'm finally free from my own mind! I can finally be the real me without having to worry about getting shocked or yelled at into the early hours of the morning. When I finally get out of here, the ladies are gonna love the new Seb Matthew-Smith…" That's when Ricky saw Seb smile the most genuine smile he'd ever seen from the sophomore as the blonde looked down at the mop of dark hair lying still next to him. "…and the guys. I'm totally bi." Seb whispered as he ran a hand through the other person's hair and he leaned back onto the pillow under his head. The movement caused the other person to stir in their sleep, and when they sat up as Seb had moments ago, Ricky saw Carlos Rodriguez. His hair was flat and messy as opposed to his usual gelled-up style, and there were dark bags under his eyes. Carlos whispered a quiet "hi honey" as the boys smiled at each other, and Ricky couldn't help but smile too.

Until Seb's words caught up to him.

"Wait, you're Squip's gone? How?"

"Ask your friend, the ginger? Red…something um he's been in here a lot, he'll explain. Are you guys together? No judgment totally bi now." Seb rambled as he took Carlos' hand in his own, and as if on cue, Big Red entered the room.

"Not quite, but it was a good effort Seb." Red quipped without looking up. Ricky could tell by the frizz in his hair and how hard he was squeezing the device in his hands that Big Red was still on edge, and he hoped to fix that.

"Hey, dude," Ricky said softly, causing Big Red to look up for the first time since he walked in the room. He gave Ricky a small smile, nothing like the ones he was used to seeing. "What happened? I remember the Squip trying to take over the school and then-"

"Dude it was insane! The Squip's took over all your minds and people were acting really good and E.J could walk but then the girls tried to kill us and then you and Nini were talking and-" When Red looked up he saw Ricky holding his head and showing obvious signs of discomfort, so he trailed off and quieted his voice. "Sorry" he mumbled. "Turns out you only have to kill one when they're connected and the rest will kinda just…poof."

"No, it's fine ah okay? So it's over then."

"I guess so."

"Why did you come to help me Red? I was the worst friend to you."

"Because you're my best friend man, despite the fact you were being very harsh. But I can't take all the credit, your dad was very pushy."

"Huh?"

"Ricky, are you okay?!"

"Um, yeah I think I'm fine-"

"Great, because you're grounded. Forever." But Ricky didn't care.

"Dad…are you wearing pants?"

"That's right. I'm your father and I need to start acting like it. I'm going back to work, I'm going to start wearing clothes, and I'm even thinking about finding a date."

"That's great dad."

"But tell me Rick, who is this Nini girl and why did I have to hear about her from Red?" Ricky's face immediately mirrored his best friend's name as the blood rushed directly to his cheeks. But then he remembered yesterday's events and his mood sunk.

"Doesn't matter. After everything I did, she's never going to want to go out with me."

"Told you, Mr. Bowen, he knows nothing about girls."

"Son, buy her some flowers as an apology. A gift like that shows a girl you care!"

"No, compliment her performance from the other night, the part before she got Squipped. Talk about something she's interested in and work an apology in that way."

"Nah write her a song! No one can resist music, it's very romantic!" Seb chimed in, for reasons Ricky will never understand, and winked at Carlos causing the boy to blush and look down. His father immediately closed the curtain, not that he thought Seb and Carlos minded. 

-

Ricky has happy to be going back to school the next day. Of course, he had homework to catch up on and people to apologize to, but today he was going to make the best of just being himself again.

"Ricky!" Ricky heard the familiar voice of Ashlyn Caswell calling his name, followed by his friends, or rather, probably ex-friends.

"Hey you guys, about what happened the other night-"

"We've been looking for you, Ricky! We all wanted to wish you luck on asking out Nini!"

"How did you-"

"It's weird, but ever since we all did the drugs you brought at the play, I've felt very connected to you all," Kourtney exclaimed.

"So you guys are just…fine-"

"So here’s some advice dude: make her feel seen, and always put her first. That way she knows you really care." Gina gave him a knowing look as she spoke and while Ricky felt guilty, he knew Gina didn't hold anything against him.

"Always encourage her to be herself!" Ashlyn added, smiling down at her ripped jean jacket and clunky boots that he'd never seen her wear.

"Don't cheat on her with two other girls!" E.J yelled, causing both Ashlyn and Gina to laugh and jokingly punch his arm. Ricky once again felt the guilt wash over him, and he knew he'd have to apologize to Gina later.

"Make her feel part of the group!" Kourtney said, looking happily around the circle.

"Never criticize her flaws!" Ricky heard someone call out, and turned around to match Carlos to the voice as he walked down the hallway with Seb's arm around his shoulder. No one but the two boys knew that they each squeezed each other tighter after the advice was given.

-

*It was at lunch that Ricky saw her for the first time all day. She was entering the cafeteria, looking lost, and Ricky instantly jumped from his place in line and ran to her, desperate to talk to her right away.

"Yo Nini!" Ricky called out, forcing Nini to turn around and give Ricky the tiniest smile. "So-"

"I still remember how it felt," Nini stated bluntly, making Ricky take a step back in shock.

"What?" Nini rolled her eyes but explained.

"It was just like you said, Ricky. I didn't have to think about what to say or how to act. It told me how to do everything. Who did yours look like?"

"Mr. Mazzara…you?" Nini let out a loud laugh but covered it as the real stem teacher passed them, giving the pair a strange look.

"Vanessa Hudgens. It’s embarrassing-"

"More embarrassing than mine?"

"-to find out, deep down I just wanted everything to be easier."

"Oh, yeah. But, who wants things to be hard? Look, Nini, I crashed your play, I ruined your big night, I forced you to take a drug-"

"Just, please say something real, Ricky." That's when Ricky paused. This was his chance to finally ask Nini out the proper way, but is this what he wanted? Because even though Nini was giving him an open invitation, he could see it in her eyes that this is not what he wanted. So, for once, Ricky was going to do what was right.

"I'm sorry Nini. I'm sorry I caused such a big problem and that I dragged you and your show into it. I'm sorry I ruined your big night and that I treated you like an object with my other conquests because you didn’t deserve that. I've been in love with you for four years but I'm not sure what that really means. I think I was just in love with the  _ idea  _ of you: a beautiful, kind, talented girl giving me the time of day. I'm sorry." Nini was silent as she took in his words but then nodded slowly.

"I like you Ricky, but I like the  _ old  _ you. The you from the first day of rehearsal when you were awkward and confused. It was adorable, and I'm sorry I didn't make that obvious. But like I said on Halloween, I'm not ready for a relationship right now so I'm glad that's not what you ended up talking about. I'm glad you're moving on Ricky because you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally for who you are and what you have to offer. But Ricky, I'd really like it if we could be friends?"

"That would be great." Ricky sighed in relief as Nini pulled him into a hug. Ricky embraced her back and was happy the two of them were just going to be friends. They were better off that way.

-

As Ricky sat in the familiar basement for the first time since the beginning of the year, he was nervous. Big Red was across the room with his arms hugging himself around his middle and his head turned towards the window next to the tv.

Ricky knew he screwed up. He screwed up big time and this was his chance to finally apologize for it. He knew it was going to be a longshot and that Big Red may never forgive him for everything he did, but his best friend deserved an apology nonetheless.

"Hey man, I'm really sorry about everything. I'm sorry for not listening to you when you tried to talk me out of this, I'm sorry for ignoring you when I first got the Squip and for voluntarily blocking you out. I'm sorry for calling you a loser because you aren't like at all, you're actually the coolest person I know. I'm sorry you not coming to get you when I knew there was a problem at the party. I'm sorry for not being able to say sorry at the play and for hitting you. And honestly, I'm sorry for the last couple of months. I have been upset about my parents and I'm sure I took it out on you more than once and you didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of this dude, and I'm so sorry for being such a shitty friend." In true Big Red fashion, he didn't hesitate to respond.

"I know dude, and it's okay-okay it's not okay. I'm going to need some time but I will forgive you." Red smiled for the first time in months and Ricky was honored it was in his direction.

"I really hope we can go back to being friends…" That's when Nini's words from earlier flew into his mind.

_ "Someone who loves you unconditionally."  _ Because that's when Ricky realized he didn't need someone to love him unconditionally: Big Red Redonavich loved him unconditionally, and that was all he needed.

"Or something else?" Ricky said slyly, smiling at Big Red and receiving a wider smile in return.

"Something else?" Big Red questioned.

"Dude, do you maybe want to grab lunch sometime? Just the two of us…maybe catch up a bit? Talk about life, about…us?" Ricky was blowing it but at the same time, he knew he was doing perfectly. Because this was Big Red he was talking about: his favorite person, the one who's been there for him since day one, and the one he loves  _ unconditionally.  _ Big Red's cheeks instantly went Red as he stumbled over a response, clearly taken back but the sudden flirtation in Ricky's voice and the adoration in his eyes. When he finally composed himself, he cleared his throat and answered.

"Taking me on my first date? Someone should give you a ribbon."

"Dude, you’re an idiot.  _ You _ are my ribbon."

"And you think I'm the idiot?"

The two spent the rest of the night playing videogames and rekindling a relationship that would, from that moment on, last a lifetime. The boys were still confused and hurt, the Squip had caused a lot of damage to themselves and their friendship, but they knew whatever was between them was worth fighting for. Even as Ricky heard the distant voice of his Squip saying what he was doing was  _ wrong,  _ he didn't care. Because of the voices in his head, the loudest one was his own and the voice of his encouraging, kind, and loving second half. And that was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT IS THE OFFICIAL END! 
> 
> I know this was different and Be More Chill is a very hated musical, but if you read this I want to thank you for your support and sticking with me as I struggled through writing rini for the first time and trying not to copy the musical word for word (like I did in the awful first chapter). I hope you enjoyed because I enjoyed writing this :)


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